After stops at Yahoo and Athlon Sports, I’m excited to be at MLB.com. A lot of my coverage is on the MLB Pipeline side covering top prospects, although I am also covering the occasional game in Cincinnati, Atlanta, and St. Louis.
Ever since Michael Jackson died in 2009, the music world has been looking for the new King of Pop. Usher and Justin Timberlake had already peaked. Chris Brown’s character is disqualifying. Could it be Bruno Mars or Justin Bieber? (Of course, the correct answer is Ariana Grande.)
More than a decade later, I’m not here to say that he deserves the crown. But Jason Derulo — who was inspired as a child by MJ — should at least be recognized as the Duke of Pop. All he does is make hits.
Ever since his first single, “Whatcha Say,” hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2009, Derulo (a stage name for the correct pronunciation of his given name, Desrouleaux) has been been a fixture atop the rankings. With a silky smooth voice, incredible vocal range, and generally wholesome content, he was almost perfectly crafted to be a modern-day pop star.
Don’t look for super deep lyrics; just stay for the catchy beats. Find me a person who likes Jason Derulo songs, and I’ll show you someone who likes to have a good time.
And as is crucial for any star who dabbles in R&B, Derulo is in exceptional shape and is an absolutely incredible dancer, which is why we’ll be diving deep into his music videos in this countdown. That he broke a vertebra while practicing for a 2012 tour and still has these moves makes his well-rounded skillset all the more impressive.
Derulo’s platinum singles speak for themselves, but he’s also made a name for himself in recent years on social media, channeling his line from “Wiggle.” From getting memed on Vine by a kid reading a calendar to his well-endowed photo that got taken down from Instagram, his online celebrity has taken on a life of its own. He’s in no uncertain terms TikTok royalty — with the 12th-most followers of any account — which helped catapult the popularity of his certified bop “Savage Love.”
Narrowly edging out “Tip Toe” for the last spot on the list is a song unlike any other on the list due to its sheer funkiness. The driving bassline and heavy vocal percussion feel straight out of the 70s, and Derulo shows off his falsetto that goes as high as the title. Jason’s ability to hit just about any note is one of the most impressive things about him, although this song can border on Adam-Levine-ear-piercing territory at times. “Kiss The Sky” will grow on you, or at least you might find the hook stuck in your head hours later. It’s a solid, cheesy song that, like any good Jason Derulo jam, just makes you want to get up and dance.
Best Line:
“My new girl headline the news But my ex still coming through And I’m thinking why not? Baby, why not? Yeah Ain’t nothing gon’ stop the funk I’m gon’ make you pop your trunk I’m thinking why not Baby, why not? Oh (Why not)”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
19. Get Ugly
Jason Derulo
Everything is 4 (2015)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 52
When I said in the intro that Jason Derulo’s songs are generally wholesome, I really meant that they border on PG-13. Yes, they almost all have to do with women or sex, but he uses next-to-no explicit language. “Get Ugly” is a rare exception, and he uses that “motherfucker” to great effect, as the forceful “alley” to the dynamic “oop” of his chorus. (We’ll see this again later with “Wiggle” and a few others.) There may not be too much else to the song beyond letting your freak out and dancing, but that’s what he does best in the music video.
Best Line:
“To them pretty faced girls tryna impress each other And them undercover freaks who ain’t nothin’ but trouble Baby, Imma tell you some’ only cause I love ya People all around the world sexy motherfuckers Get ugly”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
18. Breathing
Jason Derulo
Future History (2011)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: N/A
By the time this song dropped, most of Derulo’s major hits had been love ballads or songs about breakups. “Breathing” fits right in with all the other singles off his first two albums, but it was also his first major foray into house music. Heavy on synths, drums, and autotune, this club hit feels extremely early-2010s. What makes “Breathing” great is the passion you can feel throughout the song — but especially during the bridge before the final chorus. He’s almost screaming at points, which is all well and good since the song is easy to scream along to.
Best Line:
“I only miss you when I’m breathing I only need you when my heart is beating You are the color that I’m bleeding I only miss you when I’m breathing”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
17. If It Ain’t Love
Jason Derulo
Single (2016)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 67
This song continues to grow on me and might be higher on the list if it were older and had more of a nostalgia factor. But it’s an absolute jam. If I had one quibble with the song, it’s that the pre-chorus completely outshines the chorus itself. I’ve gotten those six bars stuck in my head for weeks on end. The whole song is catchy and suggestive, from the opening verse to the pre-choruses counting his number of rounds. The music video, which he directed, is perhaps his most sensual and technically impressive, although someone may need to contact HR after what he and his co-worker did in their workplace.
Best Line:
“Short days, long nights, tangled up with you I don’t wanna move Your eyes don’t lie And if I needed proof, that body tell the truth”
3. Love his repeatedproductplacements for Beluga Vodka — which is not related to his original record label, Beluga Heights.
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
16. Fight for You
Jason Derulo
Future History (2011)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 83
True story, I listened to this before I heard “Africa” by Toto, so I originally thought they were ripping off his song. This song heavily samples the original, but I’m alright with that. Given the optics of a bunch of white guys singing about Africa, I’m going to give this one to JD. Jason’s line at the end of the chorus, “Just like the rain down in Africa / It’s gonna take some time, but I know you’re worth fighting for” doesn’t make much sense, but let’s be honest here. Toto’s line, “I bless the rains down in Africa / Gonna take some time to do the things we never had” was even more nonsensical. Plus I’ll take Jason Derulo’s vocals over Joseph Williams’ any day. This song is a keeper with a great melody and a passionate performance.
Best Line:
“It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do Just like the rain down in Africa It’s gonna take some time, but I know you’re worth fighting for”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
15. Take You Dancing
Jason Derulo
Single (2020)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: N/A
Jason Derulo more or less didn’t come out with any hits in 2018 and ’19 — apologies to collaboration with David Guetta, “Goodbye” — but he came out with a pair of bangers in 2020. A month after dropping “Savage Love” on TikTok, he released this song, which hasn’t charted well in America but reached No. 7 in the UK. The hook is infectious, and the bassline makes it easy to get up and dance like the lyrics ask. The music video fits right in with his TikTok theme, too, as it’s filled with green screens gags and dancing. The lyrics are pretty repetitive, which is par for the course, but the start of the highlighted line below notably does remind me of Kevin McCall’s line from “Strip” with Chris Brown: “The only reason I dress you in that designer / Is to get you out that Dolce and Gabbana.”
Best Line:
“That Louis, that Prada Looks so much better off ya Turn me up, up, up, be my waitress Know we not in love, so let’s make it”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Yes!
14. Don’t Wanna Go Home
Jason Derulo
Future History (2011)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 14
The beat is taken from Robin S.’s “Show Me Love.” The lyrics borrow heavily from Harry Belafonte’s “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)” and Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz’s “Get Low.” But it still works! People don’t come to Jason Derulo’s music for originality; they come because he can turn almost anything into a hit and has incredible vocal range while doing so. This is a quintessential party song from the early 2010s with high energy and fun, memorable lyrics. “Don’t Wanna Go Home” was a fitting lead single to his strong sophomore album, “Future History,” and perhaps the moment he finally got that Ariana Grande energy to say, “I’m a star.”
Best Line:
“We drink the whole bottle, but it ain’t over, over Everybody jumping on the sofa, sofa Standing on the chairs, standing on the bar No matter day or night, I’m shining, bitch, I’m a star”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Yes!
13. Wiggle
Jason Derulo (feat. Snoop Dogg)
Tattoos (2014)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5
There’s no beating around the bush with this song: JD just loves singing about this girl’s butt. Snoop isn’t any more inconspicuous about what he wants to do either (Completely separated ’til I deeply penetrate it). Subtlety may be a lost art, and the recorder sound during the hook — what is this, elementary school? — is an odd choice, but this song still slaps. With time, you can get over the pestering recorder and appreciate this classic. Few songs are as catchy and easy to dance to — it was designed to do both — and the bridge after Snoop’s line (listed below) is one of my favorite parts of any of his songs.
Best Line:
“Come on, baby, turn around You’re a star, girl, take a bow It’s just one thing that’s killing me How do you fit that in them jeans?”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No, but Snoop starts the song by saying “Ayo, Jason!”
12. Swalla
Jason Derulo (feat. Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla $ign)
Single (2017)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 29
This is a classic mid-career smash from JD. He borrows heavily in his hook from an older song — this time from Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” — and just crushes his falsetto over a catchy beat. And Nicki Minaj might have the best featured part out of any rapper to appear on this list. She really ties together the song with a Remy Ma diss and reference to Draymond Green’s title-costing tech. It’s worth noting that he’s only averaging 9.3 points per game since Nicki’s “My shit slappin’ like dude did LeBron’s nuts” line. Jason doesn’t have a ton of lines in this song — nor do any of them really rhyme — but the star power and rhythm are enough to make this a borderline top-10 song.
Best Line:
“All you girls in here, if you’re feeling thirsty Come on take a sip ’cause you know what I’m servin'”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No, but he does end the song by saying “Derulo.” Nicki starts the song by shouting out Young Money instead.
11. Cheyenne
Jason Derulo
Everything is 4 (2015)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 66
“Cheyenne” is unlike most songs on this list because it’s less of a party song and more of a ballad. And Jason can absolutely croon. With heavy guitars driving the electronic beat reminiscent of Taylor Swift’s “Style,” it’s a pleasant change of pace sandwiched between “Want to Want Me” and “Get Ugly” on his fourth album. It’s also a rare JD song where he just sings about falling in love instead of, well, just check out the titles of the previous two songs on the list. The music video is also a fun change of pace with a horror theme seemingly out of the “The Conjuring” extended universe. And just like this song hits his usual checkpoints with a Frankie Vallian falsetto and spending half the song by repeating the hook, the music video has a lot of familiar moments with him being restrained in a chair and standing on the walls of a room.
Best Line:
“I’m a little unsure how it got so complicated If I let go I know, I’ll regret it Every heart that I held before, I was sure to break it I don’t know what you did, but I just can’t stop thinking ’bout you every day No, I can’t stop now”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
10. Savage Love
Jason Derulo & Jawsh 685
Single (2020)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 10
To be totally transparent, it took me a while to come around on this song because the music felt a little, shall well say, elementary at first. Like I was playing on my childhood keyboard. But that kind of checks out when you learn that it was sampled from a New Zealand high schooler’s 2019 instrumental song that went viral on TikTok earlier this year. Derulo posted a video dancing to the song in April and released his remixed version 25 days later. Now the song has become unavoidable, and I can’t argue with the fact that it just slaps. This song felt like it demarked a return to the spotlight for Derulo — not that he ever left. More like it became cool to like him again, like after Justin Bieber dropped “What Do You Mean” and his “Purpose” album.
Best Line:
“Baby, I hope this ain’t karma ’cause I get around You wanna run it up, I wanna lock it down Usually don’t be fallin’, be fallin’, fallin’ fast You got a way of makin’ me spend up all my cash”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Yes!
9. Talk Dirty
Jason Derulo (feat. 2 Chainz)
Tattoos (2013)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 3
“Talk Dirty” marked Jason Derulo’s first song with a featured artist, and 2 Chainz absolutely brings the heat. With heavy bass, emphatic horns, and the notorious boastful hook, it’s as memorable as any in JD’s discography. This song feels like a more pop-friendly version of Afroman’s “Crazy Rap,” which I mean as the utmost compliment. This was his first top-10 hit since his debut album (he was rudely snubbed in “Future History”) as he fully transformed from R&B singer to braggadocious sex symbol. If you want a sign of how iconic and widespread this bop became, look no further than SNL’s take in “Dongs All Over The World” (feat. Anna Kendrick).
Best Line:
“You know the words to my songs, no habla inglés Our conversations ain’t long, but you know what is”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Technically no, but a woman says “Jason (giggles) Jason Derulo” instead.
8. It Girl
Jason Derulo
Future History (2011)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 17
Put aside for a moment that Jason rhymes “it girl” with “shit girl” and “hit girl” — this is just a great, genuine love song. The music is simple with an acoustic guitar and drum set, and JD doesn’t really beat around the bush. He loves this woman more than his job and wants a life sentence with her. The original is much better than the electronic-heavy remix with his then-girlfriend Jordin Sparks, which is also way more suggestive. Jason doesn’t make too many of these love songs anymore, but this is certainly one of his best.
Best Line:
“You can be my it girl, baby, you the shit, girl Loving you could be a crime Crazy how we fit, girl, this is it, girl Give me 25 to life”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
7. Marry Me
Jason Derulo
Tattoos (2013)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 26
Move over, “Marry You” by Bruno Mars, this is officially the greatest, most wholesome pop wedding song. If “It Girl” was some of Jason Derulo’s best love song work, “Marry Me” is clearly his best. Not going to lie, sometimes it does get a little dusty in the room when I think about how this song is about Jordin Sparks — especially when watching the music video — but that’s just because of how much emotion you can feel in this song. JD puts his whole vocal range to work in this serenade and you can particularly feel it in the bridge highlighted below. My only quibble with this song is if Jason Derulo doesn’t have his money right after four top-5 Billboard singles, when will he be ready? Is love real if Jason and Jordin can’t make it??
Best Line:
“And if I lost everything In my heart it means nothing ‘Cause I have you, girl, I have you To get right down on bended knee Nothing else would ever be better, better The day when I’ll say will you marry me?”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
6. Want to Want Me
Jason Derulo
Everything is 4 (2015)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5
Now we’re getting into peak Jason Derulo. I think any of the rest of the songs on this list have excellent cases to reach No. 1, even if this song falls outside my top 5. I found myself in Trader Joe’s over the weekend — we all know grocery stores have the best music — and literally could not resist singing along out loud and bopping my head. Jason really shows off the best side of him in this song with thoroughly wholesome lyrics (even if the music video is decisively not) and elite vocal range. I mean, just look at Luke Bryan trying to keep up with his falsetto in this duet. I’m always a sucker for artists who back themselves up singing the chorus, so that just makes the end of this catchy song even better.
Best Line:
“You open the door Wearing nothing but a smile down to the floor And you whisper in my ear, ‘Baby, I’m yours’ Ooh, just the thought of you gets me so high, so high”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Technically no, but he does say “Derulo!”
5. In My Head
Jason Derulo
Jason Derulo (2009)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5
You don’t hear a lot of rock guitar in Jason’s newer music, but his early work really ran the gamut. Originally titled “In My Bed,” this song is the natural follow-up to his debut single, “Whatcha Say.” You can just see him playing out the music video in real life by blasting his music, knowing he’s a big deal, and telling anyone who will listen at the club that he can see her with him. Although some of the rhymes are pretty funny (as you can see below), that doesn’t take away from how much this classic bangs. Other songs lower on this list may be more popular now, but it’s important to respect Jason’s roots, which is why this ranks so high to me.
Best Line:
“Everybody’s looking for love, oh Ain’t that the reason you’re at this club? oh You ain’t gon’ find it dancing with him, no I’ve got a better solution for you, girl, oh”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Yes!
4. Whatcha Say
Jason Derulo
Jason Derulo (2009)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 1
This is where it all started. Jason’s first-ever single reached No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in November 2009 and catapulted his career. And to think that his fellow label-mate Sean Kingston was initially supposed to sing the song. A real sliding doors moment. “Whatcha Say” may be nothing like the song it takes its hook from, “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap, but this version became an instant hit for good reason. With powerful synths, building percussion, and stellar vocals, it’s a classic addition to the mid-to-late-2000s pop-R&B scene. “Whatcha Say” isn’t exactly a party song, which prevents it from landing higher on this list, but it belongs high on any JD list for being his original hit.
Best Line:
“‘Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out I just didn’t know what to do But when I become a star, we’ll be living so large I’ll do anything for you”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Yes, midway through the “Hide and Seek” sample.
3. Trumpets
Jason Derulo
Tattoos (2013)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 14
Derulo already had four top-10 hits by the time this song came out, and although “Trumpets” didn’t reach that level, this remains one of his biggest hits ever. JD shows his full range in this song from gentle serenading to soulful singing and intense falsetto, all while the trumpets blare in the background. If this song is playing, you’re probably having a great time. I also just love the idea of the song. Memory and music are so closely interwoven; important songs, like smells, can instantly take you back to a moment in time or special person. Or, the other way around, a girl’s eyes, ass, and bra can remind you of “Green Eyes,” “Birthday Song,” and “California Gurls.”
Best Line:
“Every time that you get undressed I hear symphonies in my head I wrote this song just looking at you oh, oh Yeah, the drums they swing low And the trumpets they go…”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
No.
2. The Other Side
Jason Derulo
Tattoos (2013)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 18
I’ve gone back and forth on this as Jason’s top song because I’m not sure if it’ll ever get old to me. The EDM soundtrack is some of the best music in any of his songs, and he really gets to show off his voice in the hook. The last minute-plus of the song is some of his best work too, with the chorus of background singers, the music coming to a stop, and him backing himself up singing. “The Other Side” just fills me with warmth because it’s all about young love and the start of a relationship. It’s really just a perfect Summer Jam. I know a lot of people won’t have it this high, but I hope they can also find a song they enjoy as much as I love this.
Best Line:
“Tonight we’ll just get drunk, disturb the peace Let your love crash into me And then you bite your lip, whisper and say ‘We’re going all the way'”
Does he say “Jason Derulo” at the start of the song:
Technically no, although he does end the song with his name.
1. Ridin’ Solo
Jason Derulo
Jason Derulo (2010)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 9
Fire up the synths, and let’s go back to 2010. “Ridin’ Solo” was an instant smash at release and remains one to this day. They say that breakups make the best music, and this should be Exhibit B after “thank u next.” This song made Jason a bona fide star with a third straight top-10 Billboard single to begin his career. The hook is iconic and easy to single along to. I know I sang the hell out of this hook as a kid who had been riding solo for the first 16 years of his life (and several more after, for that matter!). “Whatcha Say” put Derulo on the map, “In My Head” meant he wasn’t a one-hit wonder, but “Ridin’ Solo” let him “feel like a star.” When you have a hit song that marks your arrival on the big stage, that belongs at the top of any list.
Best Line:
“I’m puttin’ on my shades to cover up my eyes I’m jumpin’ in my ride, I’m headin’ out tonight I’m solo, I’m ridin’ solo I’m ridin’ solo, I’m ridin’ solo, solo”
After a five-year hiatus, it’s time to get back to what this blog is best at: ranking my personal favorite songs from the mid-to-late-2000s!
My first three lists (the first two of which need some updating) looked at musical giants. Kanye West. Usher. T-Pain. So who better to naturally follow them up with than DJ Khaled?
Khaled Khaled obviously doesn’t have the musical talents of those other three, but I’ve always thought people gave him too much flak. He’s basically the Guy Fieri of hip-hop. Everyone likes to make fun of Fieri for his ridiculous look and donkey sauce, but he’s a genuinely nice guy who raised more than $20 million for restaurant workers affected by the coronavirus pandemic.
Guy Fieri is the quintessential chaotic good, and I’m not sure I’d go that far for DJ Khaled, as much as I love him. But he’s at least a chaotic neutral. And he’s nothing if not a character.
Of course, his whole shtick is ridiculous and fake. All of his songs are about coming up from nothing, but as his high school classmate Joey Fatone said in a Hot Ones interview, “You know what’s funny about Khaled? People are like ‘He’s from the hood.’ His family owned a store called ‘Merry-Go-Round’ in the Florida mall. It’s not that he was rich, but he had money.”
Khaled did his own run on Hot Ones— talking big about showing the haters and never losing — and it was by far the worst performance the show has ever seen. He thought the first wing with Texas Pete was too hot and eventually dropped out after three wings — a show record — but not before uttering the iconic line: “I promise you if I stop, it doesn’t mean I gave up.”
With his newfound celebrity, Khaled got courtside seats at the 2018 NBA All-Star Weekend and thoroughly embarrassed himself. Whether it’s a total lack of self-awareness about how people perceive him or a complete commitment to the bit, it all just feeds into how incredible his whole character is.
DJ Khaled is one of the judges for the NBA's Slam Dunk Contest this Saturday. He's 5'7 and when he tried putting up a shot during a celebrity game last year, he air-balled horribly and his pants fell down. I'm not even kidding. (H/T @Ballislife) 😂 pic.twitter.com/tU8kGJfpit
It took years, but Khaled has become ubiquitous in pop culture, something no one should have expected in the early aughts. He seems like the perfect celebrity for “The Masked Singer,” except for the fact that he’d be sent home on Week 1 when he’d yell his name or shout out his son. Maybe he’d be the perfect host to replace Nick Cannon.
Still, it’s worth remembering that DJ Khaled didn’t just get famous because of his persona. He also helped bring together deeply impressive groups of artists for iconic songs. Essentially every 2000s rapper this side of Eminem has appeared in one of his tracks, and he became synonymous with his style of featuring 20-plus artists on one album, for better and for worse.
There are plenty of examples of him overstuffing songs. Billboard Top-20 track I’m So Hood (Remix) is an honorable mention for this list, but it had about five too many featured artists and ran about two minutes too long. Still, each of the artists (Young Jeezy, Ludacris, Busta Rhymes, Big Boi, Lil Wayne, Fat Joe, Birdman, Rick Ross, and T-Pain) were integral to late-2000s hip-hop and added to the song.
It’s a shame that he doesn’t embrace that side of himself more. I got to see him live when he was the opener for Beyonce and Jay-Z’s On the Run II Tour, and only three of the songs he played in his 30-minute set were his own. His catalog is deep; he shouldn’t have to pretend to be a replacement-level DJ.
DJ Khaled may not produce deep, meaningful music, but his bubble gum rap clearly made a big mark on the music scene, especially when I first started listening to pop music. To commemorate him, I’m counting down my 10 favorite songs of him and celebrating his limited vocabulary. In all seriousness, I’d love to see anyone else’s top picks too.
(You may notice this is my first post in a while. Work and life have gotten in the way of me writing for myself, but I’m hoping to put out more of these lists in the coming months. Jason Derulo? Ariana Grande? Ne-Yo? Katy Perry? Flo Rida? Who knows what could come next?)
10. I Wish You Would
DJ Khaled (feat. Kanye West and Rick Ross) (2012)
Kiss the Ring
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 78
I feel like this song always needs to be played at max volume because it’s made to hype you up. It feels like it has a Shepherd Tone-style audio trick where it appears to get louder every single line, and the turbulent music video only feeds into that feeling. This song features near-peak Kanye — right after MBDTF and Watch The Throne but before Yeezus and full MAGA mode — and you can feel his passion talking about Chicago. On the other side of the coin, you have Rick Ross —perhaps the only rapper faker than Khaled— pretending he wasn’t a correctional officer and delivering his iconic “hunh” and trill sounds. What more could you want?
Best line (Kanye West):
“The block is at war, post-traumatic stress
Ran up outta pills, rob that CVS
N****s getting bust over In God We Trust
We believe in God, but do God believe in us?
If we believe enough, will we ever get to know him?
That lean got us dozing, we forget that we the chosen”
Honorable mention line (Rick Ross):
“My money on another level
In the streets out here I’m hotter than the fucking devil”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 12
DJ KHALED!!
HIT BOY!
I’M SO SERIOUS!
AYO YEEZY POP YOUR SHIT!!!
9. I’m On
DJ Khaled (feat. Nas) (2008)
We Global
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: N/A
I’m On never charted well and never got a music video, but it’s still a personal favorite of mine. DJ Khaled’s third album, “We Global,” was a big step up from his first two albums, and that was signified in some ways by his ability to attract Nas to perform with/for him. The beat is contagious, and the hook is a pleasant surprise by little-known producer Dre. Khaled also plays the role of the hype man during the bridge, which helps him get up to an astonishing 49 words in this song.
Best line (Nas):
“Ya heard me, and this journey, I’m the journalist
Line around the block to hear the words of the herbalist
Send ya girl to the Dominicans to perm her shit
Tell her tonight, we gonna see Nas return to his murder shit”
Honorable mention line (Nas):
“Money fall out the sky when I speak
Got a valet, can’t leave mine out in these streets
Can’t carpool, the crew is too deep
Why tuck it all in? The jewels are too sweet”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 49
WE THE BEST SEASON HAS RETURNED!
DJ KHALED!!!
WE GLOBAL NOW, WE GLOBAL! (x2)
WE INTERNATIONAL NOW, INTERNATIONAL! (x2)
NASIR!! (x5)
COME ON!! (x9)
8. Hold You Down
DJ Khaled (feat. Chris Brown, August Alsina, Future, and Jeremih) (2014)
I Changed a Lot
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 39
DJ Khaled produced a remix of this song with Usher, who sung the hook way better than Chris Brown did, but let’s be real: This song ranks so high because of the incredible music video. Unfortunately, Khaled took it down off his original channel, but thankfully someone was able to splice it back together. You really need to check it out for yourself, but DJ Khaled keeps calling a woman (who clearly doesn’t want to talk to him) smart and loyal, a line he loves so much that he eventually repurposes into a motivational speech. He keeps throwing money at her (although not enough to buy her, her mom, and her whole family houses) and is desperate for her to say his name. The whole thing is a work of art. It happens to feature some R&B legends and another great beat, but mostly the music video is iconic.
Best line (August Alsina):
“Sit in my whip and see the stars
Show me just who you are
You know who really hold you down
And when you not around
I’ll hold you down”
Honorable mention line (Future):
“I’m the one that’s gon’ hold you down
Put you in that Ghost so you enjoy the town”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 20
DJ KHALED!!!
WE THE BEST MUSIC!!
ANOTHER ONE! (x2)
RIGHT NOW! (x4)
REAL LIFE!!
7. I’m on One
DJ Khaled (feat. Drake, Rick Ross, and Lil Wayne) (2011)
We the Best Forever
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 10
This song was DJ Khaled’s breakout, his and Rick Ross’ first Billboard No. 1 single, albeit Drake’s sixth and Lil Wayne’s 12th. Never forget how great Lil Wayne is (although maybe you can forget his “The Masked Singer” performance). I’m on One was able to rise up the charts because of the incredible star power on the track and Drake’s easily memorizable hook. There’s a long history of lean in rap music, but my guess is this is one the first songs about it to earn a Grammy nom. You can also really tell this song is from 2011 because of the Four Loko product placement in the music video.
Best line (Rick Ross):
“Walking on the clouds, suspended in thin air
Do ones beneath me recognize the red bottoms I wear?”
Honorable mention line (Drake):
“Yeah and I’ll be right here in my spot
With a little more cash than I already got
Trippin’ off you ’cause you had your shot”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 2
DJ KHALED!!!
6. I’m the One
DJ Khaled (feat. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne) (2017)
Grateful
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 1
I’m The One was a landmark song for Khaled because it’s his first and only Billboard No. 1 song. To my mind, it also marked the moment that he lept from “DJ with a massive Rolodex” to a true pop star. No one could avoid Khaled on the radio or in random commercials. Even the music video is chock full of product placement for Kandypens, Ciroc Summer Colada, and Bumbu Rum, although I enjoy the fact that Chance’s Gucci belt that he raps about is blurred out. It’s also just a catchy jam.
Best line (Chance the Rapper):
“Uh, she beat her face up with that new Chanel
She like the price, she see the ice, it make her coochie melt
When I met her in the club I asked her who she felt
Then she went and put that booty on that Gucci belt”
Honorable mention line (Quavo):
“I make your dreams come true when you wake up
And your look’s just the same without no makeup
Had to pull up on your mama, see what you’re made of
Ain’t gotta worry ’bout ’em commas ’cause my cake up”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 34
WE THE BEST MUSIC!!!
ANOTHER ONE!! (x2)
DJ KHALED!!!
LET’S RIDE! LET’S RIDE! (x3)
I’M THE ONE!! (x4)
5. Go Hard
DJ Khaled (feat. Kanye West and T-Pain) (2008)
We Global
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 69
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my rankings over the years. Tastes change, and I’ve better appreciated older songs that came out before I followed these artists. But no mistake was bigger than leaving Go Hard off my Top 25 Songs (feat. T-Pain). This song absolutely slaps. We’ve got a ton of peak DJ Khaled screaming throughout the song. We’ve got peak top-hatted T-Pain on the music video with a memorable hook that includes the lines “Makin’ money ain’t shit to me / This is in my veins and it gets to my heart.” And, of course, we get near-peak Kanye with his iconic line about George Bush. A regrettable r-word aside, this song is near-perfect and demarcates the clear top five on this list. But in light of his half-hearted presidential run/publicity stunt, it’s worth remember that Kanye is/was a musical genius, but he is most definitely not a political genius just because he happened to feel the pulse of much of America on Hurricane Katrina. This is still an anti-vax man who thinks slavery is a choice, so let’s appreciate Ye for his early albums and that’s about it.
Best line (Kanye West):
“I guess it’s gon be what it’s gon be
But here’s one thing y’all got to hear
Imma tell you like George Bush told me
Fuck y’all n****s, I’m out of here”
Honorable mention line (Kanye West):
“This is dope as it get
Dope as a motherfuckin’ acid trip
Fly as fifty-seven passengers
This finna be another classic, bitch”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 103
DJ KHALED!!!
WE THE BEST!! (x2)
I’M GOIN’ IN! (x4)
I DO IT FOR THE HOOD!
CUZ THE HOOD TOLD ME I SHOULD!!
IF YOU REP YOUR HOOD AND YOU GOIN’ HARD!
IF THEY HATIN’ ON YOU, DON’T STRESS!!
TELL THEM N****S THAT WE THE BEST!!
YOU CAN’T STOP THIS!
FUCK THE REST, WE RUN THIS GAME!!
KANYE WEST, KHALED, AND PAIN!!!
I GO HARD FOR THE HOOD!!
I GO HARD FOR THE STREETS!!!
I GO HARD FOR THE GHETTO!!!
KANYE WEST, T-PAIN, DJ KHALED!!
WE WON’T STOP!!!
WE CAN’T STOP!!!
WE GLOBAL!!!!
4. No Brainer
DJ Khaled (feat. Justin Bieber, Chance the Rapper, and Quavo) (2018)
Father of Asahd
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5
Empire Strikes Back. The Dark Knight. No Brainer. It’s rare, but the sequel can be better than the original. Khaled ran back the entire I’m the One group minus Lil Wayne (regrettably), and it makes for a very solid upgrade on an already great song, even if it didn’t chart nearly as well. Each of the three featured artists shines with their own style in this upbeat bop. The only shame is Justin Bieber looks like Zack Greinke with a mustache in the music video. Fun fact: In the same interview DJ Khaled announced that he was releasing this song, he also told Conan O’Brien that he was going to create his own line of soap (and wanted his own flower). Sadly, the fans are still waiting.
Best line (Chance the Rapper):
“Don’t look rich, I ain’t got no chain
Not on the list, I ain’t got no name
But we in this bitch, bitch, I’m not no lame
And I keep it Ben Franklin, I’m not gon’ change
Lot of these hoes is messy
I just want you and your bestie
Y’all don’t gotta answer for whenever you text me
It’s multiple choice and they all wanna test me”
Honorable mention line (Justin Bieber):
“Walked down, had me sittin’ up
Demanded my attention, had to give it up
Look like somebody designed you
Drop-dead gorgeous, you make me wanna live it up”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 31
WE THE BEST MUSIC!!
ANOTHER ONE!
DJ KHALED!!!
PUT EM HIGH! (x4)
IT’S WE THE BEST MUSIC!!!
IT’S FATHER OF ASAHD!!
ANOTHER ONE!
3. Out Here Grindin
DJ Khaled (feat. Akon, Rick Ross, Young Jeezy, Lil Boosie, Trick Daddy, Ace Hood, and Plies) (2008)
We Global
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 38
Now we’re really getting to the old, good stuff. Out Here Grindin stretches the limit of how many rappers you can cram in one song, but the end product is excellent since he keeps everyone to just eight bars. That, combined with Akon delivering an iconic hook and Khaled talking about being from the streets? We’ve got another trifecta. This song may not have the lasting power of some of his more recent hits, but it was huge for him at the time and is quintessential DJ Khaled. The music video’s comical, ample, dated green screen use is just the cherry on top, even if it causes us to lose Lil Wayne’s cackling feature. In case you’re like me and were wondering what Akon is up to these days, apparently he’s working to build a town called Akon City in Senegal that runs entirely on his eponymous cryptocurrency, Akoin. That sounds like a scam that would put Fyre Festival to shame, but the project has already secured $6 billion in funding for constriction, so you can put that on your bucket list when it’s scheduled to be completed in a few years.
Best line (Rick Ross):
“Smash it deal with the realest, shoppin’ like it’s still December
Diplomat on the fender of the Phantom I’m the winner
I do it for the hood, I do it cause you can’t
You suckers wish you could, Ricky Ross it’s in the bank”
Honorable mention line (Akon):
“I ain’t splittin’ nothin’ with nobody
Homey, I gotta get me me (cause I’m out here grindin)
I ain’t slept in eight days, I can go for eight weeks
Ain’t nothin’ to me, cause I am the streets”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 17
DJ KHALED!!!
WE THE BEST SEASON HAS RETURNED!!
I DO THIS FOR THE STREETS!
DOPE RUNNERS!!
2. All I Do Is Win
DJ Khaled (feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, and Rick Ross) (2010)
Victory
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 24
What more is there to say about this anthem that hasn’t been pointed out in my T-Pain list? Just like everybody feels required to play I’m On A Boat whenever they’re on a boat, teams in any sport will play this song without fail after a win. It’s honestly brilliant marketing by DJ Khaled. Everyone knows the hook, and he’ll surely get nice paychecks for decades off royalties. Maybe artists should make more music that becomes mandatory at niche events. A rap about a Bar Mitzvah party? A R&B ballad about a father-daughter dance? I feel like these could be million-dollar ideas, and if anyone could assemble a dream team of mid-aughts rappers, DJ Khaled could pull it off.
Best line (Snoop Dogg):
“Time and time again while I’m sipping on this gin
Al Davis said it best, ‘Just win baby, win!'”
Honorable mention line (Ludacris):
“And I’m on this foolish track, so I spit my foolish flow
My hands go up and down, like strippers’ booties go
My verses still be servin’, tight like a million virgins
Last time on the Khaled remix, now I’m on the original version”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 14
DJ KHALED!!!
WE THE BEST!!
THUG LIFE!
ALL WE DO IS WIN!!
WHAT!
TONIGHT!
1. We Takin’ Over
DJ Khaled (feat. Akon, T.I., Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Birdman, and Lil Wayne) (2007)
We the Best
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 28
I totally understand if anyone has All I Do Is Win or a newer song at the top of their list, but We Takin’ Over is the perfect DJ Khaled song to me. Stuffed to the brim with six big-name rappers, Khaled’s first top-30 hit has an infectious beat and memorable hook. The music video is worth a watch at the beginning if for no other reason than the radio announcement that DJ Khaled is “wanted by an evil assailant group affiliated with censoring the powerful voice of the people.” Could this be Nappy Boi radio? We do get a T-Pain cameo later in the video. All five verses shine, and Lil Wayne’s 16 bars are some of the best in any Khaled song. And lastly, I have to shout out Fat Joe for the inexplicable idea that some people call our favorite DJ “Khaleed.” Just incredible stuff all the way around.
Best line (Lil Wayne):
“I don’t even talk, I let the Visa speak
And I like my Sprite Easter-pink
And my wrist-wear Chopard but the Muller’s cooler
I have more jewels than your jeweler
Touch and I will bust your medulla
That’s a bullet hole, it is not a tumor
Red light, red light, stop your rumors
I stay on track like a box of Pumas”
Honorable mention line:
“Some say ‘Khaled,’ some say ‘Khaleed'”
DJ Khaled Word Count: 12
DJ KHALED!!!
WE THE BEST!!!
WE TAKIN OVER!!
LISTEN! (x4)
Today is my favorite day of the year: the day I’m done with all my work on my annual baseball preview.
I’ve written these baseball previews every year going back to seventh grade, and after 10 years, this will be my last preview as I head off into the real world (yikes).
This season’s preview is 35 pages with all the usual analysis, scouting reports, and advanced stats along with breathtaking design from Microsoft Word. As always, the preview is 100 percent free, so feel free to pass it along to a friend or two or twelve.
It’s been a pleasure writing the past 10 years, and I’ll really miss writing these, although I won’t miss the sleepless nights.
Ten years ago, my first preview had David Ortiz on the cover, and I correctly picked the Red Sox to win the World Series. Fitting, then, that my final preview also features David Ortiz on the cover.
Did I pick the Red Sox to win the World Series again? Go find out for yourself.
I took two weeks off from writing about my picks because I’ve been lazy busy, but I’m back with another week of picks. Enjoy the picks, or just scroll down to the Donald Trump part.
As always, home teams are in CAPS.
Ben & Jerry’s Half BakedGame – 5 apples:
Giants (+5.5) over BILLS
I find it pretty funny that Kiko Alonso and LeSean McCoy are both already hurt. Pretty reminiscent of the Michael Pineda-Jesus Montero trade from yesteryear for you baseball nerds.
Vikings (+6.5) over BRONCOS
Adrian Peterson’s newest son is named Axyl, which is not okay. I will, however, stick by him if I’m getting nearly a touchdown against an aging Peyton Manning.
SEAHAWKS (-10) over Lions
This Jimmy Graham-Max Unger deal seems like a real loser for everyone. A depleted offensive in Seattle has slowed down Marshawn Lynch, and Russell Wilson hasn’t used Graham nearly as much as Drew Brees went to him. Meanwhile Unger is wasting away on a bad Saints team.
CHARGERS (-7.5) over Browns
What is Mike Pettine’s end game playing Josh McCown over Johnny Manziel? McCown has proven over and over that he’s just not a good quarterback, and we’ve seen flashes of how great Johnny Football can be. At least have fun while you’re stuck in Cleveland, Mike.
STEELERS (+3) over Ravens
Personally, I’m very excited to see Michael Vick play on this Steelers’ offense. Le’Veon Bell, Antonio Brown, and Martavis Bryant are pretty similar weapons to LeSean McCoy, DeSean Jackson, and Jeremy Maclin that he had in 2010 across the state in Philadelphia.
FALCONS (-6.5) over Texans
Between Ryan Mallett and Brian Hoyer, don’t you think the Patriots would have held on to one of them if they thought either had potential to be a starter down the road?
BENGALS (-4) over Chiefs
When your fantasy teams are going poorly, the only solace you can take is players you thought were overrated doing poorly. I did not think C.J. Anderson and Jeremy Hill belonged in the first two rounds, and they’re proving me right so far. Also my two teams are a combined 1-5.
SAINTS (-4) over Cowboys
The NFL’s flex schedule late in the season is made so, for instance, two potentially interesting teams lose their Pro Bowl quarterbacks and you get stuck with a bad game. Enjoy Luke McCown and Brandon Weeden, NBC!
KFC Double Down Games – 20 apples:
Dolphins (+1.5) over JETS
Thank God we sent our Who Cares? Game of the Week overseas to London.
Can we stop pretending that Kirk Cousins has potential to be a good quarterback? Dude is already 27 and has thrown more interceptions than touchdowns.
Eagles (-3) over INJUNS
For anyone who wants to rain on the (really sad) Kirk Cousins parade, Hurricane Joaquin may hit the East Coast right around game time Sunday. That should be fun.
Panthers (-3) over BUCCANEERS
The Panthers are going to start 4-0 and get two weeks to prepare for Seattle on the road. I thought their schedule was a joke until I looked at Atlanta’s, and man, their hardest game of the season may be at Carolina. Wow.
Raiders (-3) over BEARS
I don’t know if this is more of a statement about how bad (Jimmy Clausen and) the Bears are or how much improved the Raiders are.
CARDINALS (-7) over Rams
It still blows my mind that Tyrann Mathieu fell to the third round of the NFL draft. Sure, he’s had drug problems, but the man is a playmaker and should’ve been swiped up in the second round at least by someone. I was personally shocked the Patriots didn’t draft him with one of their two second rounders, since they have a knack for taking players whose stock has fallen because of drugs (Brandon Spikes and Aaron Hernandez).
Texas Pete ain’t from Texas Lock o’ the Week – 50 apples:
Packers (-8.5) over NINERS
How this line is not double digits is beyond me. People must still be stuck on how good this game would have been a year or two ago.
I was thinking for a while about what I would write in the intro to my first NFL picks of the year, and then I remembered that no one reads the intro. So I won’t bother.
Here we go again, with home teams in CAPS and wagers in apples because gambling is “illegal.”
Ben & Jerry’s Half BakedGame – 5 apples:
Packers (-7) over BEARS
We’re still waiting to find out if Jay Cutler will work out in Chicago, which has been hard to tell because he’s had great receivers but no offensive line. The Bears tried to fix that this off-season by trading Brandon Marshall and not addressing the offensive line at all.
CHARGERS (-3) over Lions
Every once in a while, we get a player whose head shot is just hilarious. Go do yourself a favor and check out Orlando Franklin‘s picture.
With Riley Cooper and Josh Huff as his biggest competition, Jordan Matthews is going to shoot for 1,500 yards this season.
Titans (+3) over BUCCANEERS
I love the narrative that Marcus Mariota wasn’t throwing any interceptions at the start of camp. That’s probably got a little to do with the fact that he was going up against the Titans’ secondary.
COWBOYS (-6) over Giants
Dallas’ offensive line is so good that almost any halfway decent running back could turn into a 1,000 yard rusher. Which makes me really hopeful that Darren McFadden comes back to relevancy because boy was he fun in 2010.
Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games – 10 apples:
Browns (+3) over JETS
This season’s first Who Cares? Game of the Week is a doozy.
Dolphins (-3.5) over INJUNS
I’m not sure which is more offensive, Washington’s team name or how they’ve handled RG3.
PATRIOTS (-7) over Steelers
I’m slightly sad we didn’t get to see Jimmy Garoppolo win four games and pull a Tom Brady by taking Tom Brady’s job, but no suspension for TB12 will just have to do.
Saints (+2.5) over CARDINALS
Larry Fitzgerald signed deal with the Cardinals, I guess putting faith in a team that has given him the following quarterbacks to work with: Josh McCown, Shaun King, John Navarre (who?), Kurt Warner, Tim Hasselbeck, Tim Rattay, Matt Leinart, Brian St. Pierre, Derek Anderson, Kevin Kolb, Max Hall, John Skelton, Richard Bartel (who??), Brian Hoyer, Ryan Lindley, Carson Palmer, Drew Stanton, and Logan Thomas. It says a lot about an organization when Carson Palmer is by far the second-best quarterback they’ve been able to pair with Fitzgerald over the past 12 seasons.
Vikings (-2.5) over NINERS
Remember how laughable the Niners were back before Jim Harbaugh when Mike Singletary pulled down his pants during a halftime speech? Yeah, we’re going back to those days this season.
KFC Double Down Games – 20 apples:
Colts (-2.5) over BILLS
The Colts would kick some serious ass four years ago with Frank Gore and Andre Johnson. Too bad those two only got to play on five playoff teams in 22 seasons before meeting up on the Colts.
Seahawks (-4) over RAMS
I sat through an entire Rams-Titans preseason game and wanted to gauge my eyes out, so I’m definitely picking the Seahawks here as punishment.
Chiefs (+1) over TEXANS
I find it hard to believe that a team led by Brian Hoyer could be favored over a team that finished a half game out of the playoffs last season. And, you know, because they drafted Jadeveon Clowney, a.k.a. THE BIGGEST BUST EVER.
Bengals (-3.5) over RAIDERS
One of the funniest moments I can remember from the NFL draft is when the Raiders took Darrius Hayward-Bey as the first wide receiver ahead of surefire NFL superstar Michael Crabtree. Luckily they’ve corrected their mistake by signing him well after it was established that he is not very good.
As you may (or may not) have noticed, I haven’t done a ton of writing on this website this year. Between my 2015 Baseball Preview and coverage of Vanderbilt baseball, I’ve had plenty to keep me busy, but I wanted to bring back an old favorite this summer.
In my seven years of blogging, I’ve pretty much always stuck to sports. That changed two years ago when I ranked my Top 20 Kanye West songs and followed it up with my Top 20 Usher songs last summer. You can also check out my Top 10 DJ Khaled songs.
They’ve been fun to write, got good conversations going, and, more than anything, allowed me to enjoyed thinking a lot about my favorite songs of the past decade.
Each of the three artists I’ve ranked so far have been important to me. Kanye West is the greatest artist of this generation, Usher was the first artist I ever saw live in concert, and T-Pain made more iconic anthems than anyone during my early years of listening to pop music (2007-08).
There’s a great article in the New York Times that notes how 14 is a formative age for musical tastes. T-Pain was dominating the Billboard when I was that age, and his songs are among my favorite. The number one song on this list is more or less my favorite song ever.
One of the reasons T-Pain was able to dominate the Billboard in the mid-to-late-2000s was because he would admittedly work with anyone. Yes, he got to work with great artists such as Kanye West, Ludacris, and Lil Wayne, but he also helped create plenty of one-hit wonders by singing iconic hooks for no-name artists like Maino, 2 Pistols, and Baby Bash.
We even got such gems as T-Pain collaborating with Adult Swim and Cartoon Network to create hilarious animated shorts like “Auburn Sucks” and the 90-minute movie “Freaknik: The Musical,” plus he used his (in)famous Auto-Tune on President Obama.
I was lucky enough to see T-Pain live at Vanderbilt’s Rites of Spring this year, and it was pretty much the greatest moment of my life. He sang all his best songs for well over an hour and even free-styled over Royals by Lorde. I cried a little.
Anyway, I digress. This is a list of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists ever. I don’t expect you to agree with all the rankings (although I won’t argue about the top four songs), but I hope this starts a conversation about a top-hat wearing, (formerly) dreadlocked, Auto-Tuned rapper (ternt sanga) who is somehow only 29.
25. I’m Sprung
T-Pain (2005)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 8
We’ll kick off this list with T-Pain’s first top-10 Billboard song. Despite bringing Auto-Tune into the mainstream, this song isn’t very heavy on Auto-Tune, which is a rare find on this list. T-Pain’s debut album was titled “Rappa Ternt Sanga,” and he really shows off his voice in this song. He sang the song complete sans auto-tune for Larry King late last year, and it turns out he’s actually a really good singer without Auto-Tune. He showed off his voice for NPR a month before that as well. This song falls lower on my list because it’s somewhat repetitive and a little slow for me, but it’s still a classic.
Best T-Pain Part:
“She got me doin’ the dishes
Anything she want for some kisses
I’m cookin’ for her when she gets hungry
All she doin’ is actin’ like she want me”
This was a last-minute call for me over Go Hard by DJ Khaled with Kanye’s great “George Bush hates black people” reference. I really hesitated putting a Pitbull song on this list, but this hook is too infectious for me to ignore. T-Pain was so good that he helped give Pitbull his third ever top-10 single. Top-10 was old hat for T-Pain at this point, though, since he had already been a part of 13 other songs to chart that high. The duo would later collaborate with Sean Paul to create Shake Señora, which topped out at 69 on the Billboard Hot 100. I feel like that’s a really Pitbull thing to do.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Hey, baby girl, whatcha doin’ tonight?
I wanna see what you got in store
Givin’ it your all when you’re dancin’ on me
I wanna see if you give me some more”
Lil Mama is best known for her (banger of a) song Lip Gloss, but T-Pain saved her from being a one-hit-wonder, elevating her to a two-hit-wonder with her second (and likely final) top-10 Billboard song. T-Pain collaborates with Chris Brown, who will appear a few more times on this list, and is able to keep up with her high-speed, high-energy beat with a rare 16 bars of rap with impressive speed. This is one of the few times T-Pain is featured on a song but doesn’t sing the hook; it’s just fun and infectious and brings me way back to 2008.
Best T-Pain Part:
“What it do, Teddy to the Piz-ain
You already know, tell ’em I’m the miz-ayne
Shawty, yee ain’t messin’ wit a lizz-ame
Imma have you loose on the floor, you gon’ be steppin’ wit a cizz-ane”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“The way we get loose, we move our shoulders
Forward, heads back
Get it in Control like Janet Jack”
This song hasn’t charted well because it’s not on an album yet and hasn’t been marketed well as a single. I hadn’t even heard of it before I went back through T-Pain’s discography and stumbled upon it, but it’s great. Believe it or not, T-Pain said it’s his favorite song right now, adding that “Drankin’ Patna’s one of them songs that you go around the country and just look for people to drink with, and I think I’ve found a few. But nobody can beat my wife. That’s not even a question.” The song is very solid, but I’m not too surprised he picked it as his favorite considering when Snoop Dogg asked him what his favorite drink is, he took a long pause and said, “I’m alcoholic, man, that’s a very tough question.”
Best T-Pain Part:
“Oh I think I need her to drink a drink with me
I found the girl of my dreams and I got you
I done found me a drinking partner
Everybody want her
She be sipping that Corona
And we ain’t turnin’ up in the club without her
I done found me a drankin’ patna”
I remember eagerly waiting for T-Pain’s fourth album to come out, and RevolveR took seemingly forever because it was delayed over a year. I’m Dancing was supposed to be on the album after it was leaked to the internet with Dance With Me, but neither song ended up making the final cut nor even got released as a single as Rap Song, Take Your Shirt Off, Reverse Cowgirl, and Booty Wurk eventually were. It doesn’t even exist on iTunes, although you can find it on Spotify. Still, this is one of those songs that I get instantly excited for as soon as it comes on. It checks off most of the boxes of a great T-Pain song: a catchy hook, high energy, a couple “shawties,” and a strong guest appearance by a big name.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Do you wanna party?
Do you wanna go home?
Let’s get this party started
We can do it all night long
And I, I’m dancing
And I, I’m dancing
Let’s get this party started”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Yeah I got a grand I’m the man
I don’t take it out the rubber band
Girl it’s the courtesy of T-Pain”
From my No. 20 to No. 14 songs, we’ve got seven great songs from 2007 and 2008 on which T-Pain is featured. They’re all really closely bunched together, and I could easily be convinced that they belong a couple spots differently than I have them ranked right now. Good Life is obviously a great song because it’s by Kanye (and off one of his best albums), but it falls at the bottom of this group because I didn’t have the same connection to the song as I did to the next six songs when it originally came out. My list, my rules.
Best T-Pain Part:
“The good life, better than the life I lived
When I thought that I was gonna go crazy
And now my grandmama
Ain’t the only girl callin’ me ‘baby'”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Have you ever popped champagne on a plane, while gettin’ some brain
Whipped it out, she said, ‘I never seen Snakes on a Plane'”
Not only has T-Pain dramatically changed my life by making some of the best music known to man, he also made 2 Pistols boatloads of money by singing the hook to She Got it. Sure, he largely ends up just saying “She got it” (66 times to be exact), but as always, T-Pain manages to make the hook sound great. I’ll admit to buying two other 2 Pistols songs (You Know Me and That’s My Word), but I can assure you that none of his other music is good, especially when he’s not featuring T-Pain, Ray J, or Trey Songz. Also, did you know that 2 Pistols came out with his second album just last year? Good for him.
Best T-Pain Part:
“I know she got it cause she lookin’ at me like she want it
She drop it low, make me wanna throw some D’s on it
Whatever it is you can’t stop it
Cause she get low, when she on that pole, and that lets me know”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Excuse moi, let me talk to you for a second
Lil mama so fine she got the whole squad sweatin’
Damn, how you fit all that in them jeans?
Was the question that I asked followed by lemme Buy U a Drank”
This is irrationally one of my favorite Ludacris songs (up there with Get Back, Runaway Love, Pimpin’ All Over the World, and Money Maker), and it has been for a long time. I even did a project my senior year of high school where I made a commercial for Coca-Cola using this song (I’ll sell the rights to it for cheap, and I think the Atlanta connection with Luda is a surefire win). I was very upset when Luda didn’t sing it at Commodore Quake last fall, and I can’t remember if T-Pain sang it at Rites this year, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t. It’s a real shame because this song has a great message that Luda gives at the end: “You hear what I’m sayin’? People too picky these days, dammit. Too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny. Have a couple of drinks and quit discriminatin’.” The music video is hilarious too.
Best T-Pain Part:
“If I take one more drink, I’m gon’ end up fuckin’ you
Is that what you wanna do, shawty?”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Surrendered to the woman end up bringin’ me home
Cause she started lookin’ better every shot of Patron, yup!
I jumped up with a devilish grin
Cause tonight, damn right I might do it again”
How can you not love a song featuring T-Pain that is called “Shawty?” I don’t think there could be a more classic T-Pain song with the sheer amount of Auto-Tune and “shawties.” People like to make fun of Lil Jon for only saying “okay,” “yeah,” and “what?” in his songs, but T-Pain has his own Holy Trinity of words. That’s “shawty” (pronounced “shaw-tay”), “woah” (pronounced “woah-ooh”), and “yeah” (pronounced “yea-yea-yeah”). Look out for them in all his songs. For some reason, I just love the part right after the hook when Pain just sings “woah” over and over for 24 seconds before sprinkling in a couple “shawties.”
Best T-Pain Part:
“Now, even though I’m not your man, you’re not my girl imma call you my shawty
Cause I can’t stand to see you treated bad, I beat his ass for my shawty
And we ain’t did nothin’ that we ain’t supposed to do cause you my shawty
Baby girl you know I be home, keep me on the ringtone
Shawty sang it to me girl!”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“I exposed her to real and now she hate lame
Remember she used to run from me, now she like pain
She call me sometimes just to ask is it her thang
Ever since I ran up in shawty, she ain’t been the same”
I’m not going to pretend like T-Pain alone made this song how great it is because he only sings one verse (and doesn’t even sing the hook), but he just adds the icing on top of the cake. The only thing holding this song on my list is its general lack of T-Pain; he sings less than a minute of the five-plus minute song. On the other hand, it would have had a totally different feel with him singing the hook instead of R. Kelly. There’s another version of this song out there with Bow Wow singing instead of T.I. and T-Pain, but I can’t imagine what madman would prefer that version.
Best T-Pain Part:
“I be like como se llama, lil mama me llamo Pain
What is your name?
I’m feeling your vibe and I’m hoping you feel the same
Imma wink my eye and let you know I got the game
When I pass by I know exactly what you say
He’s so fly, yes he’s so cool”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“She looking at you, and I walk by
You turn your head, she wink her eye
I can’t help it if she checkin’ for a platinum type of guy
She be calling my daddy, and I be calling her mommy
She be calling you Kelly when your name is Tommy”
The Boss is the quintessential Rick Ross song in my book, and T-Pain absolutely delivers on the hook and his short interlude. T-Pain also happens to continue the trend of repeating the name of the song a ton, just like She Got It and Shawty. This time he says “boss” 24 times in a 10-second span. Just great stuff. Man, I love T-Pain. You also get to enjoy a good deal of shirtless Rick Ross and seeing just how big of a boss he is in the music video that was shot well before Ricky Rozay became skinny.
Best T-Pain Part:
“And shawty straight diggin’ me, and I ain’t even rich
I know you n****s on the sideline like, “Ain’t that a bitch?”
I’m on my job and I ain’t gettin’ off
Cause it’s just another day in the life of the goddamn boss”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“I don’t smoke twenties, eight hundred for the izzerds
I’m the biggest boss that you seen thus far
You can tell by the strongs that’s standin’ by the car”
This is another song that people just get hype for as soon as it the song starts. Everybody recognizes it, and Lil Jon did a great job incorporating synths. It’s pretty amazing considering how great this song is that Baby Bash has done quite literally nothing since this song came out. But did you know that Baby Bash came out with five whole albums before Cyclone came out? Only two of those even cracked the Billboard Top 200. Just think about that. Him making Cyclone is like a blind squirrel finding a nut, except it’s more like a tone-deaf squirrel writing a hit song (but only because he was working with T-Pain). Even though he doesn’t sing to the hook to the song, T-Pain puts the magic touch on this song by making car engine/cat noises at the end.
“She moves her body like a cyclone
And she makes me wanna do it all night long
Going hard, when they turn the spotlights on
Because she moves her body like a cyclone”
Despite working on his new album Stoicville: The Phoenix, T-Pain has barely come out with any songs since releasing RevolveR in late 2011. Up Down has been the highlight of the small bunch; Drankin’ Patna and Make That Shit Work are his only songs along with some featured parts on random artists like Sergey Lazarev, DJ Kay Slay, and Wisin & Yandel. Did I make up those names? Maybe. Anyway, the beat of Up Down is infectious, and B.o.B does a great job on the third verse. Just a very good song overall.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Go do a show then
Bring some more in
Pockets bigger than a Samoan
I’m at the stage every time shawty go in”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Let them bands go, let them bands go
Watch a n***a throw a grand or so on that camel toe
And be like ‘Damn boy, why you cuffing that ho?’
The whole team smashed her and you ain’t even know”
I honestly have no idea how this song didn’t chart well. This is yet another song that gets me instantly hyped and is one of the first times T-Pain really experiments with EDM. The hook just sounds like the anthem to somebody’s Friday at 5 p.m. This is easily T-Pain’s best song off RevolveR; some people prefer 5 O’Clock or Drowning Again, but those are too sad and slow for my taste. All the best T-Pain songs are about going to the club, drinking, and having a good time. That’s a pretty common theme through all his songs really.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Take off your shoes (shoes shoes)
Ain’t nobody gon’ see nothin’
Bring out the booze (booze booze)
Baby girl stop frontin’
Ain’t nothin’ to lose (lose lose)
And I ain’t gotta work no more
Fuck that place, fuck my boss
Imma buy the bar, don’t care what it costs”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Shawty is a perfect ten
This angelic body made for sin
I love the way you get it in
Come over here and shake it for a gentleman”
DJ Khaled (feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, and Rick Ross) (2011)
Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 24
Nobody pumps out songs with A-List rappers quite like DJ Khaled. He’s due for his eighth album in ten years in a few months and already has 112 songs released during that span. I may or may not own 37 of them. Although I’m So Hood and I’m On One charted better, All I Do Is Win is undoubtedly his most famous song for no other reason than every single sports stadium in America (and likely abroad as well) owns this song and plays it after they win a game. Just like after they win a championship, they will play We Are The Champions by Queen. Not but a minute after the US Women’s Soccer Team defeated Japan (wooooo!!!!), the sports bar I was at started playing the song. But I don’t mind because it’s great, and T-Pain kills the hook.
Best T-Pain Part:
“All I do is win win win no matter what
Got money on my mind I can’t never get enough
And every time I step up in the building
Everybody hands go up
And they stay there, and they stay there
And they stay there, up down up down up down”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Time and time again while I’m sipping on this gin
Al Davis said it best, ‘Just win baby, win!'”
Lollipop will always be Lil Wayne’s best song (and was atop the Billboard Hot 100 for five weeks), but Got Money is right there with it. T-Pain gets Lil Wayne to use Auto-Tune for pretty much the first time of his career, and the song is a jammer. The hook is unforgettable, and it brings me straight back to middle school dances. Those were the best times.
Best T-Pain Part:
“If you got money
And you know it
Take it out your pocket and show it, then throw it like
This-a-way, that-a-way, this-a-way, that-a-way”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Okay we go one for the money
Two for the show
Now clap your hands if you got a bankroll
Like some clap on lights in this bitch
Imma be clappin’ all night in this bitch”
Although it falls at the back of my top 10, this song is potentially the most classic one by T-Pain, his top charting song for the first album and three years of his musical career. For one thing, he finally answers the age-old question of a nice way to describe a girl’s brown eyes (butter pecan brown). According to the song’s Wikipedia page, he produced the song using GarageBand in about two hours. I find that very hard to believe but worth sharing. And if that’s true, that should be the commercial for GarageBand right there: throw together some Auto-Tune, synths, and sexually-charged lyrics and get a top-10 Billboard song in two hours!
Best T-Pain Part:
“Droppin’ low
She comin’ down from the ceiling to the floor
Yeah she know what she doin’ (yeah yeah yeah)
She doin’ that right thang (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
I need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I’m in love with a stripper”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“But I can’t even lie, the girls are here so fly
She slidin’ up and down that pole got me mesmerized
Mike Jones don’t ever trick, but goddamn she thick
I can’t lie, I must admit”
At No. 8, I love absolutely everything about this song, which should tell you how great T-Pain is/how much I love T-Pain. As with most Lonely Island videos (shouts out to I Just Had Sex and Jack Sparrow), the choreography is incredible, with so many little Easter Eggs around the video. As for T-Pain’s part, his constant background singing is perfect for the absurd lyrics, and he hits on all three of his key words (woah, yeah, and shawty) in the last 14 seconds of the song in the best way possible. The song is parodying many rap cliches and was actually nominated for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration at the Grammy’s, an honor T-Pain rarely earned (unfortunately).
Best T-Pain Part:
“Never thought I’d see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say, I fucked a mermaid”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Hey ma, if you could see me now
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible”
Easily the best song on Thr33 Ringz (apologies to Can’t Believe It), Freeze is a hard song to dislike. The song was originally supposed to be featuring Omarion, but it was eventually changed to Chris Brown. That’s a good thing because as it turns out, Chris Brown and T-Pain go together like peanut butter and jelly. They’ve collaborated on six songs, netting four songs that cracked this list (including three in the top ten) along with Look At Her Go and (the admittedly catchy) Algo Me Gusta de Ti. I’m pretty disappointed this song never charted well because I love it, and more people need to.
Best T-Pain Part:
“You know what I do if you can do it too
Then that’s just somethin’ that makes me more attracted to you
And I, and I wanna see you break it down, for me
Yes, we in this private party girl I like your body
But can you tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, pop, lock, and drop it?”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Girl lets get it poppin’ (crackin’) tell me how you feel
Let’s get up on this floor and do this thing for real
Cause we, you and me, can really break it down, together”
I’m not sure I like Chris Brown and T-Pain trying to harmonize (or rather, I know I don’t like it), but that doesn’t stop Best Love Song from being one of T-Pain’s best. When a bunch of singles leaked off of RevolveR, this was the only one that really charted well and ended up being the only leaked single to make it onto the album. The up-tempo beat and nice lyrics work together well, and the song is hard not to like. If T-Pain and Chris Brown collaborated on an album like Watch The Thrones or Face Off, I wouldn’t complain at all.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Turn up the bass, turn up the treble
I’m ’bout to take it to a whole other level
DJ turn up what you’re playing
I want the whole club to hear what I’m saying”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“You know it’s right, just do the wave
Girl just move your body like a snake
And if you wanna get with me
Put your hands in the air, show me that energy”
Give me synths, drums, and violins in the background of a song, and I’m all about it. Add in a T-Pain hook, and it’s an all-timer. I’m honestly shocked that this song didn’t chart well considering how widespread this song is. It’s been used by so many (college) sports teams, and nearly everyone knows the hook. That’s probably because the hook is simple and catchy, including “all the above” 28 times throughout the song. But still. I find it amazing how many people (especially girls) know this song, and pretty much everyone loves it. Even more amazing because Maino is the biggest one-hit wonder T-Pain has ever made a hit song with; dude only has two other songs that charted in the Billboard Top 200 (Hi Hater at 108 and Let It Fly at 106).
Best T-Pain Part:
“Tell me what do you see, when you’re looking at me?
On a mission to be, what I’m destined to be
I done been through the pain and the sorrow
The struggle it’s nothing but love
I’m a soldier a rider a ghetto survivor and all the above”
Now we enter the pantheon of T-Pain songs: four songs from 2007 that can all make a case to be T-Pain’s best single. Bartender is a little slower than the other three atop the list, which bumps it down a bit, but it’s every bit as good as the rest of the group. Like any great T-Pain song, this one is about drinks and has a killer verse by a featured artist. Also like any great (T-Pain) song, people immediately lose their mind when it comes on because the beginning is instantly recognizable. No. 4 is no insult, it’s just a testament to how great T-Pain was, especially in 2007.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Broke up with my girl last night so I went to the club
Put on a fresh white suit and the Mini Coop’ sittin’ on dubs
I’m just lookin’ for somebody to talk to and show me some love
If you know what I mean… uh huh”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Got a passenger side that’s empty wantin’ it to be yo’ spot
Put you on my Billboard we can act like the charts I can end up on top”
I was really tempted to make this the number two song, but this song gets a very respectable bronze medal. By far T-Pain’s best work with Chris Brown, this is an unforgettable song that was built to be sung along with because of its call and response nature. Brown originally wanted the hook to be “She’s chunky, chunky (chunky, chunky) / She’s thick, thick (thick, thick),” but thankfully someone had him change it. The beat is just so iconic, which is a main reason why this song peaked atop the Billboard Hot 100 for three weeks, knocking Crank That off the top of the chart. I’m still waiting on Nappy Boy Radio to go live, though, because I would buy a subscription in a heartbeat.
Best T-Pain Part:
“She want that lovey dovey (lovey dovey)
That kiss, kiss (kiss, kiss)
In her mind she fantasize ’bout gettin’ with me
They hatin’ on me (hatin’ on me)
They wanna diss, diss (kiss, kiss)
Because she mine and so fine, thick as can be”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“I’m the epitome of this demonstration, I got the remedy
You feelin’ me, so why is you hatin’ on my anatomy?
It’s bird-like, yeah, you heard right
Girl I’m the king, so that means I’m fly”
No song brings me back to leanin’ and rockin’ at middle school dances (with the exception of Lean wit It, Rock wit It) quite like Buy U a Drank. It’s just such a classic, and I absolutely love T-Pain backing himself up in the hook with a few signature “woahs,” straight out of Ne-Yo’s So Sick. This was T-Pain’s first-ever No. 1 Billboard single, and it’s also the only song to ever chart in each of the top 12 positions, the second to ever chart every top 10 position. It would be the greatest T-Pain song if not for his third number one hit…
Best T-Pain Part:
“Baby girl, what’s your name?
Let me talk to you, let me buy you a drink
I’m T-Pain, you know me
Konvict Muzic, Nappy Boy, ooh wee”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“Won’t you meet me at the bar, respect big pimpin’
Tell me how you feel, mama tell me what you sippin’
A certified dime piece, deserve Louis 13
150 a shot, 3 for you and 3 for me”
The was the most iconic song of 2007 and my time at middle school (just edging out Crank That), and T-Pain sings the most iconic part. It was the most downloaded song of the 2000s as well because it’s that amazing. You know how Metta World Peace wore #37 because MJ’s Thriller was atop the charts for 37 weeks? If I were in professional sports, I would wear No. 110 for the number of weeks Low was atop the Billboard Hot 100. This song is so great, I can’t even put words to it. This was the first major hit song when I started listening to pop music, and it will always have a special place in my heart. I will audibly freak out if it ever comes on the radio. That’s why it ends up atop my list. I’m also waiting to go to a dynamic duos date party, in which case I need someone to wear apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur to go with my baggy sweatpants and Reeboks with the straps.
Best T-Pain Part:
“Shawty had them Apple Bottom jeans
Boots wit the fur (wit the fur)
The whole club was lookin’ at her
She hit the flo’ (she hit the flo’), next thang you know
Shawty got low-low-low-low-low-low-low-low”
Best Non-T-Pain Part:
“That’s what I told her, her legs on my shoulder
I knew it was over, that Henny and Cola
Got me like a solider, she ready for Rover
I couldn’t control her, so lucky oh me
I was just like a clover”
The Knuckle Blog 
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