Apple Redemption

I love this new system! Week One of the NFL season, I went 7-9, but you know what? I ended up making 55 apples on the week. My not-so-great trend of average predictions in overall games is continuing, but I’m picking the right games correctly. And in the end, It’s the apples that matter.

Just as a recapper from last week, I’m putting 5 apples on the Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games, 10 apples on the Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games, 20 apples on the KFC Double Down Games, and 50 whopping apples on the Drink Cheerwine Lock o’ the Week. Because I’m definitely not betting real money. Betting is illegal.

Without further ado, here are my Week 2 picks. Home teams, as always, are in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

GIANTS (-7) over Buccaneers
The Giants are good, right? Because if they are, they’d better beat the Bucs by at least a touchdown.

Chiefs (+3) over BILLS
Both teams are bad, so you take the points, right? Well the Bills were exposed against the Jets (or maybe the Jets were exposed as contenders), although the Chiefs didn’t look so hot themselves last week. But with a bad quarterback and a second-string running back, I just don’t see the Bills winning by more than a field goal.

Vikings (-3) over COLTS
Both teams are bad, so you take the points, right? Well we have two young quarterbacks, and although one clearly has a brighter future than the other, only one team has Adrian “Truck Stick” Peterson.

CHARGERS (-6.5) over Titans
I’m a buyer of the Chargers this year (they have the same 9-7 team they always have, why are expectations lowered?), and I’m a seller of the Titans. I’m very confident the Chargers will win at home, but I’m not totally sold they’ll win by a touchdown.

Jets (+5.5) over STEELERS
Yes, the Jets are no longer in Buffalo, but maybe they’re actually good. Or maybe the Steelers just aren’t that great. Or maybe I’m just trying to hedge my bet and be happy with either the Jets losing or me winning the game. The world may never know.

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

Bears (+5) over PACKERS
Are the Packers really this good? Cedric Benson shouldn’t be a starting running back in the NFL, and Green Bay’s defense just is not good. The Bears looked fantastic next week with Brandon Marshall looking like the Brandon Marshall of Denver, and Matt Forte is still doing Matt Forte things. Even if the Bears lose, I think they’ll keep it close.

Ravens (+2.5) over EAGLES
The Ravens are the better team; why are they getting points in this game? Maybe I’m missing something…

Broncos (+3) over FALCONS
If we learned anything last week, it’s that you should never go against Peyton Manning on national television. Well, at least until he makes the playoffs.

One of the secretly awesome things about this week is what’s going to happen at the end of the Niners-Lions game. Will there be a normal handshake between the coaches? Maybe a WWE-style brawl? There are just so many possibilities.

NINERS (-7) over Lions
San Francisco is my Super Bowl pick for the NFC, and boy did they look good last week. A great defense, a suddenly good offense, what’s not to like? On the other hand, the Lions barely eeked out a win against the lowly Rams, and Kevin Smith is still their only running back.

BENAGLS (-7) over Browns
This is a lot of points to give up for a team that won’t win their division, but the Browns are also terrible. I still can’t believe the Browns traded back into the first round to draft a 28-year old quarterback. He’s older than Aaron Rodgers! Weeden turns 29 in a months, and Andrew Luck–the first pick in the same draft–won’t turn 29 for 72 months.

KFC Double Down Games:

Saints (-2.5) over PANTHERS
We have an interesting story in this game because a replacement ref was removed from this game because his Facebook page said he was a big Saints fan. With replacement ref help or not, the Saints are still a much better team than the Panthers, and there’s no way a team this charismatic will open the season with two straight losses to not-so-hot teams.

Raiders (-2) over DOLPHINS
The Raiders may not be great, but boy are the Dolphins bad. I’ve been pretty vocal about how below average I think Carson Palmer is, but Ryan Tannehill doesn’t even make it to that mark. And in the end, only one team has Darren McFadden. He’s a whole lot better than Reggie Bush.

Texans (-7) over JAGUARS
I’m still not picking Blaine Gabbert unless he’s getting double digit points. Plain and simple. Plus the Texans are actually a good team.

Cowboys (-3) over SEAHAWKS
Ahh Tony Romo returns to Seattle for the first time since he botched the PAT snap in the playoffs. Things have changed since then, though, we’ve seen the iPhone 2G, 3G, 3GS, 4, 4S, and 5, and the Seahawks get worse. The Cowboys may not have gotten a whole lot better since that fateful night, but they’re more than 3 points better than the Seahawks now.

Redskins (-3.5) over RAMS
Want to know a little secret? The Rams just aren’t that good. And Robert Griffin III might just be that good.

Drink Cheerwine Lock o’ the Week:

PATRIOTS (-13.5) over Cardinals
Yes, the Patriots are my Drink Cheerwine Lock o’ the Week again! Last week was easy since they were somehow only favored by 5.5 points; now they’re almost favored by two touchdowns. But I’m oh so confident in this pick not just because I think the Patriots are the best team in the NFL. I’m also confident because the Cardinals have a very ugly quarterback situation paired up nicely with a very ugly running back situation. And without a particularly defense, the Patriots are just going to run up the score at home.

Overall record: 7-9

Last week: 7-9

Apple Total: 55

Apple Total Last Week: 55

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