Fantasy Finals

This game is for Honey Pot Bear. Who does not care.

This game is for Honey Pot Bear. Who does not care.

It’s been a great fantasy season. Thanks to Adrian Peterson and crew, I’m in the finals of my fantasy league. It’s been too long since I’ve won a fantasy football league (one year?).

But in all seriousness, today’s a big day. It’s a finals matchup for the ages between the two highest scoring teams–that’s how it should be, right?–between me and my friend John.

Ozamataz Buckshank vs. J’Dinklage Morgoone.

It’s been one of my best fantasy seasons thanks to a few players. Adrian Peterson, for being the top running back, despite being my second round pick. Alfred Morris, for being an unbelievable Week 1 pickup. Brandon Marshall for being the top receiver int he game, despite falling to the fifth round. Andrew Luck, for saving me from starting Philip Rivers for a full year. Dennis Pitta for being my first consistent tight end (no thanks to you, Coby Fleener, Greg Olsen, Martellus Bennett, Jermaine Gresham, and Jared Cook).

All my non-defensive players are in the top-8 at their position. Hope I didn’t jinx myself.

Here’s the matchup:

J’Dinklage Morgoone Ozamataz Buckshank
(John Cambern) (Ben Weinrib)
Matthew Stafford QB Andrew Luck
Chris Johnson RB Adrian Peterson
Doug Martin RB Frank Gore
Darren Sproles RB/WR Alfred Morris
Dez Bryant WR Andre Johnson
Julio Jones WR Brandon Marshall
Owen Daniels TE Dennis Pitta
Texans D/ST D/ST Jets D/ST
Lawrence Tynes K Matt Bryant

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

JAGUARS (+14) over Patriots
There’s no way the Jaguars win, but the Patriots will probably play a vanilla gameplan, just like they did against the Dolphins three weeks back. Save your good plays for good teams.

Saints (+2.5) over COWBOYS
The Saints aren’t done just yet. Plus I wouldn’t be surprised if Sean Payton–who lives in Dallas–found some way to talk to Drew Brees during the game via radio. He’s just that maniacal.

Chargers (+2.5) over JETS
As bad as Mark Sanchez is, Greg McElroy isn’t any better. And there’s no way I’m giving points to pick him.

Titans (+11) over PACKERS
Double digit lines are dangerous. As is Chris Johnson and his backdoor cover ability.

Rams (+3) over BUCCANEERS
I had a really good feeling about the Bucs. A really good feeling. Then they lost four straight games by 52 points. And that’s where they lost me. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

Giants (-2) over RAVENS
I hate passing on a chance to take the Ravens with points at home, but Baltimore looks so bad lately. Plus this is about the time of year the Giants get a big win on the road and stumble their way into the playoffs.

BRONCOS (-11) over Browns
The Broncos might be the best non-Patriots team in the league. And there’s something to be said about that.

STEELERS (-3) over Bengals
I’ll take Big Ben over Andy Dalton every day. The Bengals are still the annoying little brother.

PANTHERS (-9) over Raiders
This is a huge line to give for the Panthers, but the Raiders are 0-3 traveling to East Coast games, losing by an average of 20 points. Playing at 10 AM West Cost time is brutal.

Bills (+5) over DOLPHINS
Ryan Tannehill has exceeded my low expectations this season, but he hasn’t been impressive enough for me to give up five points to take him.

KFC Double Down Games:

TEXANS (-7.5) over Vikings
It’s really too bad Adrian Peterson doesn’t have a quarterback.

Redskins (-5.5) over EAGLES
There’s just no reason to take the Eagles any more. They’ve won one game (!!!) since October 1.

Niners (+2) over SEAHAWKS
Beating the Patriots by 7 infinitely more impressive than beating the Bills by 33.

Bears (-7) over CARDINALS
I don’t know what’s more amazing: the Cardinals putting up 38 points last week or Ryan Lindley only throwing for 104 yards in the same game.

Falcons (-3.5) over LIONS
There’s no bigger disappointment in the NFL than the Lions. With their quarterback, wide receiver, and defensive line, this team should be contending. Yet there’s just something really wrong about the team.

Drink Cheerwine Lock o’ the Week:

Colts (-5) over CHIEFS
Any time you have a playoff team with a spread of less than a touchdown on the Chiefs, you have to jump on it. No questions asked.

Overall record: 108-109-5

Last week: 9-7

Apple Total: 205

Apple Total Last Week: -15

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