There’s gotta be a Kanye West reference in here if the title is Leather Jogging Pants, right? Week 16 NFL Picks. Home teams in CAPS.
Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:
Raiders (+10) over CHARGERS
Going from playing at Denver to hosting Oakland is a pretty huge dropoff. I’m betting the Chargers let up to some extent here, especially with Kansas City coming to town next week.
Steelers (PK) over PACKERS
Matt Flynn’s playing really well with the Packers. I wonder if he’ll finally get paid this off-season.
Falcons (+12) over NINERS
Record be damned, the Falcons do have talented players, which is more than most 4-10 teams can say. I highly doubt they win this one, but I also doubt they get blown out in primetime.
Saints (+3) over PANTHERS
I really want to believe the Panthers are going to win this game. I do. And I know the Saints are 1-6 against the spread on the road. But the Panthers looked awful in the Superdome, and I have a hard time convincing myself they’ll outright win this game, let alone cover the spread.
BENGALS (-7.5) over Vikings
When one team has to use a backup punter, you know it’s your Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That Game of the Week.
Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:
REDSKINS (+3) over Cowboys
Sure, Mike Shanahan has totally butchered this RG3 situation from playing him in last year’s playoff game to this entire season, but Kirk Cousins is making me dolla dolla bills on Earn Like a Pro. GO KIRK COUSINS!!!
SEAHAWKS (-10.5) over Cardinals
The Texas Rangers taking Russell Wilson in the Rule V draft makes little sense for several reasons, not the least of which is Wilson plays about 200% better in Seattle. Seattle is not in Texas.
Bears (+3) over EAGLES
Chicago is 15 yards away from having three players with 1,200 yards rushing or receiving. Just think about that for a second. And then think about Jay Cutler throwing interceptions and looking grumpy.
Patriots (+2.5) over RAVENS
Without Gronk and Wilfork, the Patriots don’t have a Super Bowl run in them. But they probably have a scrappy run to the AFC Championship Game in them that will get the entire city of Boston’s hope up, only to see it come crashing down.
Giants (+9) over LIONS
Hey, why not?
KFC Double Down Games:
Dolphins (-2.5) over BILLS
I’m a little tired of the idea the Bills are so much more used to the cold weather than the Dolphins. Sure, the fans are used to the cold, but most of the players on roster are from the South. E.J. Manuel? Virginia Beach. C.J. Spiller? Lake Butler, Florida. Mario Williams. Richland, N.C.
RAMS (-5.5) over BUCCANEERS
Zac Stacy is closing in on 1,000 yards rushing in his rookie year, despite only receiving one carry in his first four games. Oh, and Vanderbilt hit it first.
Titans (-5.5) over JAGUARS
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. The Bengals’ tackling
2. Arizona Western’s punter
3. Bolbi Stroganovsky’s dancing
4. Al Jefferson’s hook shot
5. This dog’s ability to protect its owner from a cat
6. Nick Young’s trick shot ability
7. Nick Young’s ability to run a fastbreak
8. Nick Young’s choice in nicknames
9. Nick Young’s shot selection
10. Nick Young’s ability to not infringe upon Kanye West’s leather jogging pants monopoly
Broncos (-10.5) over TEXANS
As much as the Texans’ front office may want to lose their last two games to lock up Teddy Bridgewater, but you know who doesn’t want that to happen? Case Keenum. Luckily, there’s not much he can do about it.
CHIEFS (-7) over Colts
Fun fact: Alex Smith’s 5 touchdown passes went a combined 13 yards last week. That’s it. I don’t have any stats to throw at you about why the Chiefs will win, but they will.
Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week:
Browns (+2) over JETS
The Jets (specifically Geno Smith) have trouble against teams with good defenses. Believe it or not, the Browns have a great pass rush, led by 4.5-sack, $40 million Paul Kruger with one of the best corners in the game, Joe Haden.
Overall record: 113-104-7
Last week: 12-4
Apple Total: -230
Apple Total Last Week: 85