Author Archives: benweinrib

World Series Preview with Jackson Martin

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: October. We have the baseball playoffs, football is in full swing, college football is heating up, and the NBA is about to begin. Oh, and the Red Sox are back in the World Series.

I’ve shared the first two parts to my three-part playoff preview with Jackson Martin of the Dirty South Sports Report, and now we have the third one.

Unfortunately for Jackson, the Red Sox are in the World Series. Fortunately for me, they are. Add those together you get to look forward to a nice clash of excited optimism and snark.

And finally, before I send you off to read the article over on Jackson’s site, how can you not root for the Red Sox after Koji Uehara’s kid Kaz’s interview?

Categories: MLB | Leave a comment

Week 7 NFL Picks – The Broken Lock

Somehow I’m 2-4 with my Cook Out Drive-Thru Locks o’ the Week. I’d have 135 apples if I just actually got those games right. This will not do for Josiah Wedgwood.

Week 7 NFL Picks. Home teams in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

I really underestimated Ryan Tannehill coming out of college.

I really underestimated Ryan Tannehill coming out of college. He’s probably the most talented Aggie in a decade, no?

Texans (+6.5) over CHIEFS
The teams Kansas City has played have a combined 9-25 record, and the Chiefs are 26th in the NFL in passing and 23rd in run defense. They’re clearly not 6-0 good.

Bills (+8) over DOLPHINS
I’m 1-0 picking for teams with a Duke quarterback, so let’s keep this train a-rollin’.

FALCONS (-7) over Buccaneers
It’s a good thing Greg Schiano dumped Josh Freeman for Mike Glennon because now Tampa’s only 32nd in the league in passing.

PANTHERS (-6.5) over Rams
The Panthers are 6th in the NFL in point differential, and the five better teams have four combined losses. Get ready for some progression to the mean. You know, unless Ron Rivera keeps coaching the way he coaches.

PACKERS (-10) over Browns
Your weekly reminder that Brandon Weeden, who celebrated his 30th birthday on Monday, is 50 days older than Aaron Rodgers.

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

Bengals (+3) over LIONS
Two boring Midwestern teams? Ladies and gentlemen, your Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That Game of the Week.

Cowboys (+2.5) over EAGLES
Look, the NFC East is just really bad; they’re 3-15 in interdivision play. At this point, unless the Giants are playing, I’m probably just going to take the points and call it a day.

Vikings (+3) over GIANTS
I think picking up Peyton Hillis is considered rock bottom.

Ravens (+2) over STEELERS
This game makes really sad. Remember when this game meant deadly hits and a fierce rivalry? Remember when Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco were half-way decent quarterbacks? Remember when Ray Rice was good and Pittsburgh had a running back?

Broncos (-6.5) over COLTS
I’m confused who the Colts are. Are they the team that beat Seattle and San Francisco by 26 or the team that lost to San Diego and Miami by 14? Well I know who the Broncos are, and with Von Miller back, they’re really good.

KFC Double Down Games

Chargers (-7.5) over JAGUARS
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. Mike Green’s checking ability
2. A two-man team of MJD and Justin Blackmon
3. Songs about Chinese Food
4. The Marlins’ innovative baserunning strategy
5. The Astros’ innovative baserunning strategy
6. JaVale McGee’s ability to hurdle opposing players
7. JaVale McGee’s three-point shooting
8. JaVale McGee’s ability to run a fast break
9. JaVale McGee’s final play as a Wizard
10. JaVale McGee’s ability to tell whether he should be on offense or defense

Patriots (-4) over JETS
I’m just going to take this time to point out how awesome Sunday night was. Tom Brady 18-yard touchdown pass with 5 seconds left. David Ortiz game-tying grand slam in the eighth inning. Yankees still owing $250 million to Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, and CC Sabathia. Boy it’s good to be from Boston.

Seahawks (-6.5) over CARDINALS
Fun fact: Tyrann Mathieu is second on the Cards in tackles (40), tied for second in interceptions (1), first in forced fumbles (1), and tied for first in tackles for a loss (4). Fun fact: Carson Palmer is still the Cardinals’ quarterback.

Niners (-4) over TITANS
There’s a good chance I’ll be working the FOX broadcast for this game, so watch out for terrible technical difficulties.

Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week:

Bears (+1) over REDSKINS
I’m sure I’ll get this game wrong too, but what am I missing here? Washington isn’t that good, Chicago isn’t bad at all, and Chicago is getting points. The Bears have a less polarizing name, so people are less likely to bet on them? Nobody outside of Vanderbilt likes Jay Cutler? Washington lawmakers have nothing better to do that bet on the home team since they don’t have work?

Overall record: 40-49-3

Last week: 6-9

Apple Total: -265

Apple Total Last Week: -95

Categories: NFL | Leave a comment

All The Articles I Forgot To Post

I write about sports a lot, and I occasionally forget to post my articles. Here’s your place to find all the articles I didn’t post from the past two months.

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Friday, October 11

Previewing the MLB Playoffs with Jackson Martin: League Championship Series

Jackson and I go head-to-head in round two of our baseball playoffs preview. I don’t brag too much about beating him 4-0 last week.

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Tuesday, October 8

COLUMN: Why Franklin should leave Vanderbilt

I write a column that Vanderbilt fans won’t like about why James Franklin should go to USC if he gets a job offer. I got a nice endorsement from commenter bill cherry: “What a great article from a Vandy STUDENT news source….a bunch of big freaking nerds.”

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Tuesday, October 1

Explaining the Vanderbilt running back rotation

Without Zac Stacy, the Commodores don’t have one feature back and are instead going with a three-headed running attack. Here’s your guide to what is going on in Nashville.

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Tuesday, October 1

Commodores heat up against Blazers

I covered my first Vanderbilt football game from the press box, and the Commodores won 52-24 against UAB. That bodes well for the Georgia game I’m covering next week, right?

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Tuesday, September 17

Vanderbilt men’s basketball lands four-star guard

Vanderbilt landed its second four-star recruit in shooting guard Matthew Fisher-Davis, who went to my rival high school, Charlotte Christian. They’re on pace to have their strongest recruiting class since 2011.

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Tuesday, September 3

FOOTBALL NOTEBOOK: News and notes from Monday’s football press conference: Week 2

Ah, the first in a series of weekly news and notes from the Monday football press conferences. A series that lasted one week.

Categories: College Basketball, College Football, MLB | Leave a comment

Week 6 NFL Picks – Destined For Failure

I’m back like an Atlanta first-round playoff exit. Week 5 NFL Picks. Home teams in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

SEAHAWKS (-13.5) over Titans
I was looking really hard for a reason to pick the Titans +13.5, but they’re just not very good.

Saints (+2.5) over PATRIOTS
I tried looking up how often I pick against the Patriots, but my search and tag features on this website are too annoying, and I don’t feel like taking an hour to figure it out. But I’m pretty sure I’ve picked against the Pats about three times in the past year. So taking the Saints here is big.

You know your team is going places when people are clamoring for you to play T.J. Yates.

You know your team is going places when people are clamoring for you to play T.J. Yates.

Rams (+7.5) over TEXANS
Your Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That Game of the Week!

BILLS (+7.5) over Bengals
Fun fact: the Bills haven’t lost a game by more than 7 points, and the Bengals average winning margin is 7 points. Hooray for the half point!

NINERS (-11) over Cardinals
Half the games this week have a line higher than a touchdown, and I hate it.

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

Eagles (-1) over BUCCANEERS
I’d just like to note that the Bucs signed Jordan Rodgers to their practice squad. Mike Glennon is their starting quarterback. Rodgers beat Glennon in the Music City Bowl last year. Go Dores.

Panthers (+2.5) over VIKINGS
The Panthers are a talented team that is poorly coached. The Vikings are an untalented team (save for AD, who apparently doesn’t like being called Purple Jesus) that is poorly coached.

Raiders (+8.5) over CHIEFS
After picking the Raiders two weeks in a row and losing, I picked against the Raiders and lost the game. #NeverForget

BROWNS (+2.5) over Lions
Does the Ewing Theory count if the player who was traded is just bad?

JETS (-2.5) over Steelers
Geno Smith is now destined for failure now, but that’s better than the Steelers, who are just currently a failure.

KFC Double Down Games

BEARS (-7.5) over Giants
At this point, there’s just no reason to pick the Giants unless the line is above 10 points. It’s almost as if Eli Manning is personally gunning for the number one pick. He’s literally on pace to set the NFL record for turnovers and only has 9 more seasons before he breaks Brett Favre’s all-time interception record!

Packers (-3) over RAVENS
Fun fact: the Packers are 5th in the NFL in rushing despite having three equally mediocre backs. Also fun fact: Aaron Rodgers is slightly better than Joe Flacco.

BRONCOS (-27.5) over Jaguars
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. This dude’s ability to name Pokemon
2. Craig Sager’s acid trip
3. E.J. Manuel’s And-1 football skills
4. Geno Smith’s And-1 football skills
5. The effect of rain on drunkards
6. Matt Schaub’s ability to hear
7. Matt Schaub’s jersey’s flamability
8. Matt Schaub’s fan appreciation
9. Matt Schaub’s ability to analyze plays
10. Matt Schaub’s ability to not be so bad that he gets honored with a food named after him with a negative name

COWBOYS (-5.5) over Redskins
I like The Onion.

Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week:

Colts (-1.5) over CHARGERS
Turns out the Colts are pretty good. They beat the Seahawks, Niners, and even the Jaguars (!!!!!). Also, the Chargers are 0-3 against non-NFC East teams.

Overall record: 34-40-3

Last week: 6-8

Apple Total: -170

Apple Total Last Week: -75

Categories: NFL | Leave a comment

Previewing the MLB playoffs with Jackson Martin of the Dirty South Sports Report

Playoff beard? Playoff beard.

Playoff beard? Playoff beard.

It’s a day late, but I wrote a preview of the first round of the MLB playoffs with good friend and fellow Russell-Rice scholar Jackson Martin of the Dirty South Sports Report. As you’ll see in the intro, we would’ve gotten the article out earlier, but some school-related issues came up.

If you’re a fan of one of the playoff teams, you’ll be happy to see that we disagree on every single series. That tends to happen when we talk sports.

Instead of copying the whole thing here and editing the introduction, I’ll just send you to his site, which has some great stuff that I haven’t helped with.

Stay tuned as the playoffs progress, where there definitely won’t be any gloating about who picked series better.

(Ha, the Red Sox won Game 1 by 10.)

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Week 5 NFL Picks – The Hot Streak

To be perfectly honest, it hasn’t been the strongest start of the season making picks. But have no fear, we’ve been here before!

Think back to last year, when I was at -150 apples after three weeks. I was only at -145 apples after three weeks this year. I’m no mathematician, but that’s progress. Furthermore, I didn’t get out of apple debt until Week 9 last year, and I still finished with 365 apples, mostly thanks to earning 490 apples between Weeks 7 and 12.

The point of the story is don’t get worried by my tough beginning to the year. I’m on a hot streak. I got 50 apples last week.

Week 5 NFL Picks. Home teams in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

Lions (+7) over PACKERS
I feel like every Packers line gets boosted a point or two because wow Aaron Rodgers is the number one fantasy QB!! Their defense is porous (5th-worst in yards per game and 6th-worst in points per game) and the offensive line is shoddy at best with Brian Bulaga out for the year. The Lions just put up 40 points on the Bears, I think they’ll be able to cover a touchdown spread.

FALCONS (-10) over Jets
For all the high hopes the Falcons had this year–I picked them to go 12-4–they’re 1-3 to start the year. No way they blow this one on Monday Night Football. Unless, you know, this game comes down to a seven-point deficit with a minute left and the Falcons have the final drive.

Saints (PK) over BEARS
The Bears are 3-15 when Jay Cutler throws multiple interceptions and 34-9 when he doesn’t. That’s not even considering his 26 fumbles in Chicago. The Saints are 5th in the NFL with 10 takeaways.

Texans (+6.5) over NINERS
San Francisco safety Donte Whitner has filed paperwork to change his last name to “Hitner” by dropping the letter W. This is not okay. Texans it is.

RAMS (-11.5) over Jaguars
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. Wilbur Hackett Jr.’s unbiased refereeing
2. Tyson Jackson’s belt
3. The Ravens’ special teams communication
4. Nic Cage on a wrecking ball
5. Cory Booker’s classy twitter friends
6. Jose Fernandez’s baserunning speed
7. Jose Fernandez’s ability to make batters think he’s throwing a strike
8. Jose Fernandez’s ability to not talk back to the batter
9. Jose Fernandez’s ability to stay calm
10. Jose Fernandez’s transition from Cuba to America… seriously you need to read this article right now

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

Ravens (+3) over DOLPHINS
Ray Rice hasn’t had a game with more than 36 yards. I know that well as his fantasy owner. But you can’t bench him at this point; you just have to ride out playing him like I’m riding out picking these sad, sad Ravens week after week.

Chiefs (-2.5) over TITANS
I think the Alex Smith perfectly fits this Chiefs team. He’s pretty good, and you could definitely do better, but, hey, he won’t make any terrible, self-destructive mistakes.

BROWNS (-4) over Bills
The Bills aren’t beating a semi-competent team unless they get five interceptions. Brian Hoyer is more of a three-interception quarterback in my mind.

I can't believe I might regret associating with these fans.

I can’t believe I might regret associating with these fans.

Chargers (-4.5) over RAIDERS
I took the Raiders +15.5 and they lost to the Broncos by 16. I took the Raiders +3, and after going up 14-0 on the Redskins, they lost 24-14. I’m starting to question jumping on the Raiders bandwagon.

KFC Double Down Games:

Seahawks (-3) over COLTS
Is it possible that Russell Wilson could be the best QB from the 2012 draft? Nope, but his team is leagues better than Andrew Luck’s Colts.

Eagles (+2) over GIANTS
What a great excuse to post this video.

Panthers (-2) over CARDINALS
The Panthers have the 6th best DVOA in the league this year–better than the New England Patriots. That sounds crazy, but they were a DeAngelo Williams fumble away from beating the Seahawks and a terribly coached drive away from beating the Bills. They deserve a better spread than two points in Carson Palmer’s home.

Broncos (-7.5) over COWBOYS
At this point, I’m not really hesitating on Broncos lines in the single-digits. Somehow I’ve managed to pick against them three times this year and lost every one of those picks.

Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week:

Patriots (+1.5) over BENGALS
It’s an early Eggsmas Miracle!  Two straight Patriots games where I get points and this time they’re playing a team that couldn’t handle the Browns!

Overall record: 28-32-3

Last week: 7-7-1

Apple Total: -95

Apple Total Last Week: 50

Categories: NFL | Leave a comment

Week 4 NFL Picks – Below Replacement Level

I’m in debt like a recently retired athlete. Week 4 NFL Picks. Home teams in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

RAIDERS (+3) over Redskins
You know what’s crazy? Terrelle Pryor looked remarkably competent last week. Put him up against the 31st ranked pass, run, and scoring defense, and he might keep it close enough to cover this spread.

Jets (+4) over TITANS
We often forget to include Jake Locker in the “athletic quarterback” group. I lump him in there because he definitely should not fall under the “good passing quarterback” heading.

SAINTS (-6.5) over Dolphins
No, this pick has nothing to do with the Dolphins ruining my Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week last week.

Eagles (+10.5) over BRONCOS
We’ve got the top-ranked rushing team up against the top-ranked rush defense. Chip Kelly’s high-paced offense will likely give Peyton Manning the ball for at least 60 percent of the game, which will make it tough to win, but Denver’s weak secondary should keep the Eagles within 11 points. I mean the Raiders only lost by 16. The Raiders!

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

VIKINGS (+2) over Steelers
It sure is a good thing we sent our Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That Game of the Week overseas.

Bengals (-4.5) over BROWNS
Forget Brian Hoyer passing for 321 yards, he needed 54 attempts to do it, and it was on a 55.6% completion rate with three touchdowns. The Browns are in perfect position to tank, even if they beat the 0-3 Vikings.

Cowboys (-2) over CHARGERS
Hasn’t everyone been burned at least once by having Philip Rivers or Tony Romo as a fantasy quarterback?

Any guesses who these guys are? It's Brady and his top two receivers. Yep, he's got a worse receiving core than his

Any guesses who these guys are? It’s Brady and his top two receivers. Yep, he’s got a worse receiving core than his ’03 team of Deion Branch and David Givens.

Cardinals (+2.5) over BUCCANEERS
I’ve seen Mike Glennon play once, and he looked absolutely terrible against Vanderbilt in the Music City Bowl. Small sample sizes for the win!

Patriots (+2) over FALCONS
Look, I’m not one to pass up an opportunity to take the Patriots (in primetime) and get points.

KFC Double Down Games:

Niners (-3) over RAMS
Did you know that last week was the first time a Jim Harbaugh Niners team lost two games in a row? Something tells me Sam Bradford, Isaiah Pead, and Chris Givens won’t be making that three in a row.

Ravens (-3.5) over BILLS
It’s very hard to recover from losing to the Jets. The last three teams to do so lost again the next week. Also, c’mon it’s the Bills.

Bears (+3) over LIONS
Three weeks ago, I’m guessing most of you thought that Joique Bell was either a) a French artist b) an R&B singer or c) someone from the new Key & Peele East/West Bowl. Well now he’s the Lions’ leading rusher.

CHIEFS (-4) over Giants
And I thought the Panthers were in trouble last week. The Giants’ offensive line was like an accident you just can’t seem to take your eyes off, and Eli Manning was the brutal victim.

Seahawks (-3) over TEXANS
The Texans topped the 7-point mark in the first half for the first time this season, but then they forgot to score in the second half against the Ravens. Good luck against Seattle’s defense.

Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week:

Colts (-8.5) over JAGUARS
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. Rashad Johnson’s ability to flick someone off
2. Mark Richt’s ability to not be creepy and gross
3. Movies about European Gigolos
4. White girls twerking on a door
5. Miami Marlins hitters
6. Philip Rivers’ ability to throw the football forward
7. Philip Rivers’ ability to handle a snap
8. Philip Rivers’ ability to smile
9. Philip Rivers’ ability to frown
10. Philip Rivers’ ability to remember that he’s playing American football, not European football

Overall record: 21-25-2

Last week: 7-8-1

Apple Total: -145

Apple Total Last Week: -45

Categories: NFL | Leave a comment

Week 2 NFL Picks – Hooray For Cognitive Dissonance

I’m back like a hefty Ndamukong Suh fine. Week 2 NFL Picks. Home teams in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games:

BENGALS (-7) over Steelers
I’m hopping on the “Steelers Are Actually A Bad Team But We’re Not Going To Fully Recognize It Until About Week 7” Bandwagon early.

Vikings (+6) over Bears
This game reminds me of something very important. Back when The Other Adrian Peterson was still playing, the best way to piss someone off was to join a mock fantasy football auction and bring up TOAP with the first bid. Some dope will inevitably blow $20 on a guy who averaged 160 yards per season over his eight-year career. Yep, that’s the kind of fun I have. Call me.

PACKERS (-7.5) over Redskins
Hearing Redskins fans boo Riley Cooper made me laugh last week.

TEXANS (-9) over Titans
Where exactly are the Titans headed? Jake Locker and his nifty 55.5% completion rate probably isn’t a long-term answer, and Chris Johnson and Kenny Britt just aren’t very good anymore. What a disaster of a team. And they beat the Steelers by 7.

Jets (+11.5) over PATRIOTS
I want with all my heart to pick the Pats, and I so desperately do not want to have to root for the Jets, but this line is too big. Rex Ryan plays New England close, who is missing Danny Amendola (get used to that) and Shane Vereen.

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games:

RAVENS (-6.5) over Browns
What inspires this line to be so low? Was it the confidence inspired by Cleveland only losing to Miami by 13? Or their rookie head coach having formerly led the Panthers juggernaut offense? Or their blue chip running back only rushing for 47 yards?

Niners (+3) over SEAHAWKS
Anquan Boldin might be the 2007 Randy Moss of this fantasy football year. They were both formerly top-tier receivers coming off “meh” seasons who were joining new teams. Both became the #1 receiver for very good quarterbacks. Obviously Moss and Tom Brady are better than Boldin and Colin Kaepernick, but how on Earth did so many people whiff on Boldin in fantasy?

RAIDERS (-5.5) over Jaguars
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. Songs about days of the week
2. Dane Cook jokes just in general
3. Drinking milk outside during the summer
4. That goddamn Hump Day commercial
5. Carlos Gomez’s ability to run in from center field
6. Miguel Cabrera’s ability to stand on third base
7. Miguel Cabrera’s ability to lay off inside pitches
8. Miguel Cabrera’s ability to dance like Shakira
9. Miguel Cabrera’s ability to play nicely with little people
10. Miguel Cabrera’s ability to not drink whiskey after being pulled over by cops, ask them to “kill me,” and then spill his plans to blow up a steakhouse

EAGLES (-6.5) over Chargers
You can take the Norv off the Chargers, but you can’t take the Norv out of the Chargers. Or something like that.

FALCONS (-6.5) over Rams
Sam Bradford didn’t look bad at all last week, but he’s not going to be in charge of stopping Matt Ryan. If Steven Jackson hung onto that last-second touchdown pass against the Saints, this line is at least three points higher.

KFC Double Down Games:

Panthers (-3) over BILLS
The Panthers are so frustrating because they’re incredibly talented and terribly coached. If Mike Shula doesn’t let Cam Newton loose (he had 23 passes for 125 yards last week) against a Bills team that is probably without Jairus Byrd and Stephon Gilmore, they just won’t get anywhere this year.

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Who’s good at predicting things and has two thumbs? Call me Nostrabenmus.

COLTS (-3) over Dolphins
I guess people are impressed with beating the Browns these days. Thanks for the nice line.

Broncos (-4.5) over GIANTS
I’m just going to repost my Giants writeup from last week: Admittedly, I’ve never been a fan of the Giants, but isn’t it at least a tiny bit concerning that David Wilson is their only feature back. Dude fumbled on his second NFL carry and was promptly benched for most of the season.

Cowboys (+3) over CHIEFS
I guess people are impressed with beating the Jaguars these days. Thanks for the nice line.

Lions (-1.5) over CARDINALS
As much as Carson Palmer is an upgrade over Kevin Kolb, John Skelton, and Ryan Lindley, he’s still Carson Palmer.

Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week:

Saints (-3.5) over BUCCANEERS
Not only did the Bucs lose to the Jets, they let Geno Smith score with 34 seconds left in the game thanks to a late hit out of bounds. Oh, and they gave up a safety and lost by one. Drew Brees is a little better than Jets QBs.

Overall record: 5-10-1

Last week: 5-10-1

Apple Total: -55

Apple Total Last Week: -55

Categories: NFL | Leave a comment

Week 1 NFL Picks – Return of the Apples

We had a nice appetizer last week with college football, but now it’s time for real football. The NFL is making its glorious return Thursday night, which means the glorious return of my weekly NFL picks. Don’t everybody get excited at once!

As you remember, last year I switched up my system for making picks by making four categories of games. Each game is worth a different amount of apples, because, of course, betting money on sports is illegal in the United States.

We have the Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Games, which are worth 5 apples.

We have the Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Games, which are worth 10 apples.

We have the KFC Double Down (May They Rest in Peace) Games, which are worth 20 apples.

And finally, we have the Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week, which is worth 50 apples.

The math is tough, but you’ll have to hang in here. Basically, the more confident I am, the more apples I’ll wager. Although my record against the spread last year was just 133-124-5, I made 365 apples. Basically, I have the clutch gene and am better and picking the more valuable games.

Without further ado, let’s get this season going strong. Home teams in CAPS.

Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Game:

STEELERS (-7) over Titans
What ever happened to the Steelers offense? Their starting running back is Isaac Redman, and their starting receivers are Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Sanders. The good news is they don’t have Jake Locker starting for them at quarterback.

BROWNS (-1) over Dolphins
Brandon Weeden and Ryan Tannehill: It’s our Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That Game of the Week.

Vikings (+5.5) over LIONS
The Lions aren’t as bad as their 4-12 record last year, and the Vikings aren’t as good as their 10-6 record this year, but I’m scratching my head over this line. Adrian Peterson racked up 273 yards in his two games against Detroit last year, and he should do even better now with Greg Jennings stealing attention.

COWBOYS (-3.5) over Giants
Admitedly, I’ve never been a fan of the Giants, but isn’t it at least a tiny bit concerning that David Wilson is their only feature back. Dude fumbled on his second NFL carry and was promptly benched for most of the season.

Eagles (+3.5) over REDSKINS
The Eagles are supremely underrated this season. They were Super Bowl contenders last year, and they still have the same team, although now they have a coach who can really take advantage of their speedy offensive personnel. Chip Kelly and Michael Vick may just set this league on fire. Or crash and burn, who knows?

Dunkin’ Donuts Plain Cake Game:

NINERS (-4.5) over Packers
Losing Michael Crabtree really hurts the Niners, but losing Brian Bulaga just kills the Packers. With San Fran’s front seven looming, Aaron Rodgers will have approximately 0.617 seconds to throw each pass. And yes, I calculated that down the thousandths of a second. It’s very advanced math.

Seahawks (-3.5) over PANTHERS
It’s a 10 a.m. West Coast game. The Seahawks don’t have Percy Harvin. They do have Sidney Rice. I so want to pick the Panthers. But then again, the Panthers offensive line is a certified mess, and the Seahawks do have a fairly solid defense.

RAMS (-4.5) over Cardinals
The Cardinals swapped Beanie Wells for Rashard Mendenhall as “That Guy Who Really Sucks At Football But Ends Up Drafted Way Too High In My Fantasy League Because Yeah He Is a Starting Running Back And You Really Can’t Have Enough Running Backs, Especially Starting Running Backs.”

    Unhappy with Carson Palmer, the Raiders are opting for a platoon of suck at the quarterback position.

Unhappy with Carson Palmer, the Raiders are opting for a platoon of suck at the quarterback position.

Bengals (+3) over BEARS
CBS picking the Bengals to win the Super Bowl made me laugh, but if you want a fraction of a shot to win it, you’d better not lose to the Bears by more than a field goal.

COLTS (-9.5) over Raiders
This line seemed way too high until I remembered that Terrelle Pryor and Matt Flynn were fighting for the starting quarterback job.

KFC Double Down Game:

Texans (-4) over CHARGERS
Fun Fact: the Chargers have opened the year on Monday Night Football in four of the past five years.

Ravens (+7.5) over BRONCOS
I understand the Broncos are very good and the Ravens lost a lot of players, but this is still the Super Bowl champs we’re talking about. Champ Bailey is out for this game, and I’m not giving up more than a touchdown.

Falcons (+3) over SAINTS
The Falcons might be the best non-West team in the NFC, and I’m getting points? NOLA’s D is about to be shredded.

Patriots (-9.5) over BILLS
This line would be 15.5 points in New England. Actually.

Buccaneers (-3) over JETS
I’m trying to decide if abominable or odious better describes the Jets.

Cook Out Drive-Thru Lock o’ the Week

Chiefs (-4) over JAGUARS
Here is a running list of things better than the Jaguars:
1. Brad Paisley and LL Cool J duets
2. Adam Dunn playing defense
3. A white guy in cornrows
4. The Houston Astros
5. Columns comparing Johnny Manziel to Rosa Parks
6. Ryan Braun’s ability to round third
7. Ryan Braun’s ability to correctly identify anti-semites
8. Ryan Braun’s ability to dump a Gatorade cooler on a teammate
9. Ryan Braun’s ability to look friends in the eye and tell the truth
10. Ryan Braun’s ability to fail a drug test, get off on a technicality, and then successfully avoid being caught again

Overall record: 0-0

Last week: 0-0

Apple Total: 0

Apple Total Last Week: 0

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Vanderbilt football players pack on pounds

As many Vanderbilt students can attest, the freshman 15 is very real. But for the most part, that’s from too many Easy Macs and 2 a.m. Qdoba runs and not the case for Vanderbilt football players. For redshirt freshman like offensive tackle Andrew Jelks, it’s a freshman 40.

In the Southeastern Conference, playing offensive tackle at 255 pounds won’t cut it, not with the likes of Jadeveon Clowney coming off the edge at 275 pounds. This is a problem Vanderbilt head coach James Franklin is very familiar with, as he inherited an undersized roster two years ago.

“We weren’t just smaller, we were mushy,” said Franklin. “We weren’t ripped and defined and athletic-looking in my opinion. Now you had two different choices: you could put size on them just for size’s sake or you could take the bad weight off them and then build them back up over time.”

Two years ago, there was only one player who weighed more than 300 pounds: guard Kyle Fischer. Now the current roster boasts 11 players who eclipse that mark. To get to that point, they focused on improving conditioning and nutrition.

One of the first people Franklin brought to Vanderbilt from the University of Maryland was director of strength and conditioning, Dwight Galt, who took on the same position under a new name: director of performance enhancement. The two had worked together since 1999 in Franklin’s two stints with Maryland.

Franklin tries to get ahead of the pack by sending recruits a workout plan designed by Galt once they sign a letter of intent. At the same time he doesn’t specifically ask them to put on weight because not everyone can afford extra food and supplements. Plus high school students tend to put on “bad weight”—fat instead of muscle.

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Football players put on their freshman fouty here instead of Rand dining hall and Greek row.

Once they do reach campus, however, Franklin indoctrinates them into their year-round training program. Incoming freshmen arrive on campus in the first week of June and individually meet with Galt to set monthly goals for added muscle mass and BMI levels.

Almost all of the weight-room workouts involve free weights. Every player lifts twice a week in addition to squats, hang cleans and more. To incentivize the players, the training staff created champion awards for the hardest worker in the weight room every summer and winter.

When they’re not in the weight room, the staff puts an emphasis on speed training, agility and plyometrics outside. That’s what has become essential to Franklin: football-specific training.

“You have to be careful,” said Franklin. “If everything is about the weight room, you’re going to produce a bunch of power lifters, not football players. You have to make sure the things you’re doing are translating onto the football field.

“We do a lot of movement-specific type stuff outside. Everybody thinks running straight or distance is awesome, but it has very little carryover to football. You very rarely ever run 40 yards straight in football. Being able to do short spurts and a lot of change-of-direction … are much more football-specific.”

But with all the hard work, players have to eat a lot of food—a lot more than it takes an unassuming freshman to put on that freshman 15. We’re talking five big meals—an early breakfast, a brunch, a lunch, a meal before practice, a dinner after practice, and maybe even a late night snack—for around 7,500-8,000 calories per day. That’s a huge changeup for guys that mostly only had three meals a day in high school.

“At first I was really excited,” said redshirt freshman defensive end Stephen Weatherly. “Basically it was like an all-you can eat buffet all the time. After a while it gets kind of tiring, but you know that you need it because we’re playing in the SEC and going against 300, 350-pound lineman. I can’t be 220 playing D-end. I need to be 250.”

Because of NCAA regulations, the staff can help the players put on weight only in certain ways. Outside of the meal plan, they can’t give players extra meals, but they can give them small things like bagels, crackers, and pretzels. They can give players protein shakes, but not if they’re more than 30 percent protein. Contracts with companies like Purity Dairy, Shamrock Farms, Gatorade, Muscle Milk and Balance Bar help, and the coaches have players track what they eat.

All that added weight will pay off starting Thursday, when the Commodores match up against Ole Miss. The Rebels’ offensive line comes in at an average of 324 pounds, including 360-pound Aaron Morris and 345-pound Justin Bell.

“It’s going to be a lot of fun and you know they’re big up front and strong,” said senior defensive end Walker May, who’s put on 50 pounds since arriving on campus. “What we’ve got to do is combat that with strength and speed.”

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This first appeared in the Vanderbilt Hustler Football Preview. Here are three other links for articles written for the preview.

Changes in weight for Vanderbilt football players

Understanding the Vanderbilt football schedule

Q&A with Coach Chaos

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